So sick

... he used to send me songs when he would come home from the police academy
we would chat online until he had to go to sleep
His song for me was Marios "Shes it"
It was about that chick that moves into your building and u know that she is the girl for you... the one you wont share with your boys... and all that.. lol
our other song was Ushers rendition of Luther's "Superstar"
And our special ringer on each others phone was "Naked"...


this is torture man... pure torture... its crazy because on saturday i had a nervous breakdown and started begging him to come back and speak to me just to say bye... and i had a dream that we were at his funeral and he climbed out of the casket and walked towards me but i ran away from him because I was so scared...

i hope he tries to speak to me again...


im going to keep begging until he does....


...signing off with a smile*

Jason B. Thompson

well.. apparently Jason came home from gun shooting practice and went to the bathroom.... he put his gun on the edge of the sink and while he was washing his hands it slipped off, released a shot, ricocheted off of the wall and into his forehead... then I guess the impact made him fall back and he hit his head on either the toilet or bathtub.. either way it busted the back of his head open. His momma came home and saw blood from under the bathroom door and opened it and found him... its crazy.. his funeral was horrible... I thought I was going to die. We went to his house before and after the funeral. Before the funeral a few of us had to use the bathroom, but we didn't want to use the only one they had in the house.. but his mother made us. So I went in... wasn't that bad but I cried a little bit. Then we went to the funeral. It was a mess... when they drove the Hurst off I blew him kisses...After the services we went to his house to hang out for a little bit... and before we left for the night I went back to the bathroom to say my final goodbyes to that sweet boy.. (and pee) and I looked around... checked out the bullet hole.. touched the sink and just looked around... just to get a feel for his last moment. Then I looked on the side of the sink next to the wall.. and I saw a spot... I tried to wipe it up but it was dry... so I wet tissue and wiped it up.. it was the last few drops of his blood... I didn't even cry.. I just smiled and walked out... I'm so sick thinking about this...this is the hardest thing ive ever had to deal with in life... he called me just last week... may 15th to be exact... to say hi and hear my voice... and i torture myself by listening to it over and over again... but i called him back but we missed each other... i guess there was a reason...

I called his phone this morning just to see if it was still connected

it was...

so i just left him a message telling him i loved him... and said my last bye byes


Pictures to come

...signing off with a smile*

Mourning

my god my god... this is going to be the first of many posts because I am hurting.. i have never felt pain like this in my life...

I cant breathe
I cant think
I cant do anything without thinking of you
I cant sleep
I cant stop crying
I wont stop
Dont know how to stop
but my god... i wish i could stop
this pain
it hurts way toooooooo much...
Im torturing myself listening to the message you left me last week
over and over again
i called you back
but like two ships in the night
we passed...
never to meet up
ever again...
and im sick
so sick
why jason?
you of all people...
so happy with life...
such a beautiful person
im sorry...
sorry i never told you how i really felt
but i heard you knew...
i know you knew...
stephen told me you knew...
but i should have given you those roses during life...
and now i will never get the chance...
i love you Jdubb... always have and always will...
please come visit me and tell me you love me too...

details to come

...signing off *

Oh wow!!!

crazy...

the last couple of months have been a whirlwind... im like dorothy in that tornado... we aint in kansas anymore ToTo...

work...

ha... CRAZY!!!! thats the main reason for my disappearing act, my lack of communication with my wonderful blogger fam.. soooo sorry.. what can i say? beauty pr is no joke! in all honesty though... i think im over it... oh how i loved this place when i first got here... now... egh... i would love nothing more then to get back into music, music pr, music marketing... anything music... beauty is just... egh... dont get me wrong... oh how i loveeeeeeee makeup and checking out the beauty closet in the latest issue of lucky... but thats where the fun ends... i dunno man... this thing called life aint no crystal stair.. i tell u that much...


love life...


HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... mann listen.. i could/ should write a book on the happenings of the last few months in this area... KJC... i guess hes out of the picture.. we text each other every now and then with a hello... hows work, i miss you (him to me) whats new? Is Lupe Fiasco getting play over there in nyc? Things of that nature.. but if the kid was as smart as id like to think that he is... he would realize that it is a wrap for him... lol...


in comes robby rob... this kid... what can i say.. .i have no idea what to say... we used to talk in high school but didnt do much of anything because my father would have a heartattack if he knew i was talking to boys... then over the years we just started to hate each other... when i say hate i mean HATE.. on some " Why does Tola have such a bad attitude" he would say to sass... oh! i forgot to mention, sass is his bestfriend... (yeah man the crew is tight) or me " rob is such a f***ing idiot, why is he so slow... " ha... now.. its on some " Are you coming over tonight" or " I miss you " CRAZYYYY!.. this shit came out of left field... trust me... its a longggg story but thats my abridged version... just happy to be back...hahah IM HAPPYYYY TO BE HEREEE (sass)... blogger you have been missed...

nik nak.. holla at ure bloggette!

Keish ... sisss... im bacckkkk!

Suzie Q ... muahhh... atl here i come!

Cymple ... stop harassing me on myspacee... i owe my home-coming to you!

Sass... ure turn!


everyone else... Lets chat!!!! :o)



...signing off with a smile*