The wonder years

So sick

2006-05-31T17:21:00.000-04:00

... he used to send me songs when he would come home from the police academy
we would chat online until he had to go to sleep
His song for me was Marios "Shes it"
It was about that chick that moves into your building and u know that she is the girl for you... the one you wont share with your boys... and all that.. lol
our other song was Ushers rendition of Luther's "Superstar"
And our special ringer on each others phone was "Naked"...

this is torture man... pure torture... its crazy because on saturday i had a nervous breakdown and started begging him to come back and speak to me just to say bye... and i had a dream that we were at his funeral and he climbed out of the casket and walked towards me but i ran away from him because I was so scared...

i hope he tries to speak to me again...

im going to keep begging until he does....

...signing off with a smile*

Jason B. Thompson

2006-05-31T16:59:00.000-04:00

well.. apparently Jason came home from gun shooting practice and went to the bathroom.... he put his gun on the edge of the sink and while he was washing his hands it slipped off, released a shot, ricocheted off of the wall and into his forehead... then I guess the impact made him fall back and he hit his head on either the toilet or bathtub.. either way it busted the back of his head open. His momma came home and saw blood from under the bathroom door and opened it and found him... its crazy.. his funeral was horrible... I thought I was going to die. We went to his house before and after the funeral. Before the funeral a few of us had to use the bathroom, but we didn't want to use the only one they had in the house.. but his mother made us. So I went in... wasn't that bad but I cried a little bit. Then we went to the funeral. It was a mess... when they drove the Hurst off I blew him kisses...After the services we went to his house to hang out for a little bit... and before we left for the night I went back to the bathroom to say my final goodbyes to that sweet boy.. (and pee) and I looked around... checked out the bullet hole.. touched the sink and just looked around... just to get a feel for his last moment. Then I looked on the side of the sink next to the wall.. and I saw a spot... I tried to wipe it up but it was dry... so I wet tissue and wiped it up.. it was the last few drops of his blood... I didn't even cry.. I just smiled and walked out... I'm so sick thinking about this...this is the hardest thing ive ever had to deal with in life... he called me just last week... may 15th to be exact... to say hi and hear my voice... and i torture myself by listening to it over and over again... but i called him back but we missed each other... i guess there was a reason...

I called his phone this morning just to see if it was still connected

it was...

so i just left him a message telling him i loved him... and said my last bye byes

Pictures to come

...signing off with a smile*

Mourning

2006-05-31T10:07:00.000-04:00

my god my god... this is going to be the first of many posts because I am hurting.. i have never felt pain like this in my life...

I cant breathe
I cant think
I cant do anything without thinking of you
I cant sleep
I cant stop crying
I wont stop
Dont know how to stop
but my god... i wish i could stop
this pain
it hurts way toooooooo much...
Im torturing myself listening to the message you left me last week
over and over again
i called you back
but like two ships in the night
we passed...
never to meet up
ever again...
and im sick
so sick
why jason?
you of all people...
so happy with life...
such a beautiful person
im sorry...
sorry i never told you how i really felt
but i heard you knew...
i know you knew...
stephen told me you knew...
but i should have given you those roses during life...
and now i will never get the chance...
i love you Jdubb... always have and always will...
please come visit me and tell me you love me too...

details to come

...signing off *

Oh wow!!!

2006-05-16T12:27:00.000-04:00

crazy...

the last couple of months have been a whirlwind... im like dorothy in that tornado... we aint in kansas anymore ToTo...

work...

ha... CRAZY!!!! thats the main reason for my disappearing act, my lack of communication with my wonderful blogger fam.. soooo sorry.. what can i say? beauty pr is no joke! in all honesty though... i think im over it... oh how i loved this place when i first got here... now... egh... i would love nothing more then to get back into music, music pr, music marketing... anything music... beauty is just... egh... dont get me wrong... oh how i loveeeeeeee makeup and checking out the beauty closet in the latest issue of lucky... but thats where the fun ends... i dunno man... this thing called life aint no crystal stair.. i tell u that much...

love life...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... mann listen.. i could/ should write a book on the happenings of the last few months in this area... KJC... i guess hes out of the picture.. we text each other every now and then with a hello... hows work, i miss you (him to me) whats new? Is Lupe Fiasco getting play over there in nyc? Things of that nature.. but if the kid was as smart as id like to think that he is... he would realize that it is a wrap for him... lol...

in comes robby rob... this kid... what can i say.. .i have no idea what to say... we used to talk in high school but didnt do much of anything because my father would have a heartattack if he knew i was talking to boys... then over the years we just started to hate each other... when i say hate i mean HATE.. on some " Why does Tola have such a bad attitude" he would say to sass... oh! i forgot to mention, sass is his bestfriend... (yeah man the crew is tight) or me " rob is such a f***ing idiot, why is he so slow... " ha... now.. its on some " Are you coming over tonight" or " I miss you " CRAZYYYY!.. this shit came out of left field... trust me... its a longggg story but thats my abridged version... just happy to be back...hahah IM HAPPYYYY TO BE HEREEE (sass)... blogger you have been missed...

nik nak.. holla at ure bloggette!

Keish ... sisss... im bacckkkk!

Suzie Q ... muahhh... atl here i come!

Cymple ... stop harassing me on myspacee... i owe my home-coming to you!

Sass... ure turn!

everyone else... Lets chat!!!! :o)

...signing off with a smile*

Finally...

2006-01-31T10:04:00.000-05:00

they can be together again...

R.I.P

4/27/27 - 1/31/06

...signing off *

Recap...

2006-01-29T15:59:00.000-05:00

Ok so first... id like to say thanks to everyone who has stopped by the new spot! Welcome welcome... pull up a chair and stay awhile... :o)

I need to vent ya'll. I should have posted this Saturday at 3 am when I got home but i was so upset i couldnt breathe! Lol... so my best friend's sister had a birthday party at the Maya Lounge... nice spot... i didnt think that it was going to be a "party", i thought it was going to be more of a girls night out type thing. WRONG!!!!! So i get home around 9:45 after a long night/week at work... and steph calls me at 10 to ask me if i was ready... ready??? Naw man... i just walked in the door. I didnt want to go but felt obligated... so i asked the question that we females always ask.... "What are you wearing?" . Her response " Some jeans and a tanktop". ok great.. im not changing. I went to the "party" in my stale work outfit! I had on some lowrise jeans cuffed up with some fly ass boots BUT i just had on a plain tan shirt... nothing more... nothing less. I didnt even do my makeup over... NOTHING! So steph comes to pick me up... we head out.. get lost in the process (as usual) and as we get close to the place my other half quietly says " I heard there were gonna be a lot of dudes"... STOP!! Steph... u have to be kiding me... so at this poin im tight... here I am looking like a HOT ASSSSS MESSS and there are going to be mens there?!?!?!? I thought it was going to be a girls night out... i guess thats what i get for not reading the evite... anyway... we get there... i was like pissy faced... saw a few people i knew and started chattin... nothin big. Went back to the coat rack and saw an old high school friend whos brother was the DJ. We sparked up a convo and spoke for a few. While im standing there talking to him... an old love walked in... WITH A GIRL.... actually... its not even an issue that he walked in with a girl.... the issue lies in teh fact that he looked GOOD AS HELL... and here i was looking stale... oh wait... i forgot to tell u the hair was like a a dry ass cotton ball pulled into a stank ass ponytail. What the hell was I thinking!?!? OH MY GOD! I wanted to DIE! We looked at each other like... wow... me in amazement at how good he looked and he in amazement at how WACK and DRYYYY i was looking! Oh man... so he just chuckled, asked me how i was doing i said fine.. i asked him... "could be better" Nothing more... nothing less... that was it. I sat down the rest of theh night feeling DEFEATED! and after that nigh i vowed to NEVER go ANYWHERE looking like someone with no fashion sense whatsoever... my god...

so needless to say i got my hai done yesterday! Thanks Carmelo! Got it pressed for the first time and i stomped the whole day like i was the shit! eventhough i still FELT like shit... *sigh*

***NEWSFLASH***

KJC called me on Thursday at 10 am .... and left me a message. I didnt hear it until 11 pm... i almost cried when i heard it. I called him back and left him a message as well.. nothing big but... thats crazy. Its been damn near 2 months with no work from him and here he comes... im so weak... KEISHHHHH ! HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!

*sigh*

So whats new everyone? new year.. new you... new me!

One of my "resolutions" for this year was to read more. RIght now im reading "The Devil Wears Prada". This boook is hilarious. Cracking me the hell up. For those that dont know, its a semi-fictional/non-fictional account of Lauren Weisberger's job as Anna Wintour's assistant at Vogue. Funny ish*... pick it up! Any suggestions on what I should read???

...signing off with a smile*

Nevermind...

2006-01-21T13:18:00.000-05:00

Im still here.. just changed the link and fixing up the new spot a lil bit... same blog... diff place... same me... .:o) Stay tuned!!!

...signing off with a smile*

Its soooo hard...

2006-01-07T23:10:00.000-05:00

to saaayyy goodbye! IM OUTTTTT! Just joking... im retiring this blog though... dont worry... im still missbhavin! Ha... I just want to start something new for this year... just a few words before I bid my farewells...

HAPPPYYY NEW YEAR!!!

I hope everyone had a great holiday season! I sure did. I chilled with my momma for a few days and ate like i hadnt seen food in years!

The new job is great! Its REALLLYYY fast paced, but whos complaining? I love it...

KJC's card expired on DEC 31st and 11:59 PM. There will be no him in 06! NUFF SAID!

Im just happy, excited... elated and anxious to see what 06 holds...

WATCH OUT!

Love you all!!!!

*PS* I havent updated the new page but I will find you and hit you with the new link! MUAH!!!

...signing off with a smile*

Guess whoooss BIZACCKKK.... Pt 3

2005-12-18T18:39:00.000-05:00

im happy...

isnt that a good feeling? just happy... nothing much to be happy about but... actually... im lying... its been a ~~good~~ GREAT week! so much to tell... where do i begin!?!?!?

Well.... for starters... i have a new job...this one kind of fell into my lap. i have to go pretty far back to explain but to make this rather long story short lets just say someone that i interviewed with in MAY called me to go with her to a new company and be an assistant at a beauty pr firm But one special thing about my position is that i will be working exclusively with my boss on the one music account, which is the only music account in the whole company. Sounds good to me. I must have made som kind of impression on her in MAY for her to remember me in DECEMBER! God works in mysterious ways huh!? So what about Allhiphop you may ask... what about it!? Im not leaving. im not sure how im going to be able to pull it off but im going to work both jobs... dont ask me any questions for i will not have any answers.. just know that its going to be a fun, exciting year... and IM READY!!!

so i went to go see the color purple with my mother on tuesday (she came up this week). and i must say.... it was GREAT! (word of the day) I recommend everyone go see it, or rent the movie or read teh damn book again.. actually.. it wont give u the affect of this musical. it was superb. Siskel and tola give it two thumbs up! the woman that played Sophia was the SHYT! YOU TOLDDDD HARPO TO BEAT ME!!?!?? HEEELLLLL NO! hahah...

im going to va to spend xmas with my momma and the rest of the fam down there. i was also thinking about piercing my nose again... lol... for those that dont know... ive pierced my nose 3 times... LMAO... the first time i did it, i was down on Va beach for vacation and teh damn thing slipped out of my nose when i got home. I cant even tell you where i did it the second, all i know is that it slipped out AGAIN and teh third time i did... i had it for 8 months... the longest time id had any of my nose rings and i had to take the damn thing out when i was getting my boob reduction.. aint that a bitch! i was mad as hell... u should have seen me begging the damn doctor to let me keep it in!
Me: Doc pleaseeeeee,... i can NOT take this thing out
Doc: if you dont take it out you may burn your nose because of the anestesia.
Me: Listen... ill take the chance! If that happens we can just fix it with some minor rhinoplasty!
Doc: (Laughing) im sorry but you have to take it out..
Me: But...
Mom: Take the damn thing out!
Me: ( thinking to myself... where the hell did she come from)

So yes, i had to take it out. and that was that. I havent even made an attempt to pierce it again after my many mishaps! but a las... the urge is back... so we shall see what happens in VA!

not much to say about KJC... other then the fact that i havent spoken to homeboy in about two weeks... a friend of his died... what does that have to do with me? i feel like im being selfish cuz i wouldnt expect that to change things between us but im guessing it has... he doesnt want to talk to anyone... ok fine... ill tell you one thing... ~~kendri~~ oops... KJC better get it together by Dec 31st or there will be no him in 2006. Nuff said...

im not sure how im going to bring in the new year. my platano (dominican homie) and i were thinking about having a new years eve dinner at her crib. sounds like a plan.

hey, how could i forget... i got rave reviews on my pics this week. im excited. i want to take more... maybe towards the end of jan. i want to do something to my hair for the new year... not sure what though.... ive been thinking about a weave..i miss straight hair... not sure...

...signing off with a smile*

Making moves

2005-12-10T16:17:00.000-05:00

ok so i scheduled a photoshoot for this morning... and i actually went to this one! proud of me!?!?! im not going to post ALL 130 of the pics but i will post one for now... i liked most of them and LOVEDDD MY PHOTOGRAPHER! Nathan is the man... check him out on NJYPHOTO.COM.

*u would think he would have told me to suck in the lil tummy...oh well*

Feedback please... i can take criticism.. bring it on.. what can I do to make my next shoot better... any theme ideas folks!?!?

...signing off with a smile*

Oh man

2005-12-09T12:44:00.000-05:00

* Hey... i just logged in and my lost post is back!!! GREAT!!!!!*

man oh man... do i apologize! Talk about busy, happy, BLAHHHH, focused, lost... u name it... thats what i was/ (still am)!

NIK NAK: Ill never have jokes on u and ure posting spurts ever again!

CYMPLE: Im hereeeeee!!!

SASS: ure turn!!!

PRINCESS D: Heyyyyyyyyyy!!!

Suzie Q: Hi beautiful God-sister of mine... i still cant hear the interview... :o(

Court Eliza: HIIIII!!!!

ok.. so im guessing everyone would like to know what the hell i have been doing for the last three weeks... well...

I COULDNT TELL YA! i havent a clue. i guess i had writers block. not to mention the lack of free time that i has. but now im back... i guess... for now.. lol.

radio show: so yeah... i submitted my show... and i have to do it over! I knew that was going to happen. i cant front... it was crap! there was no ME in there... just hot music with some drops... thats it.. no more... no less... im doing my format as we speak and determined to make sure this one is a go... nuff said...

KJC: everything is good... actually GREAT! as great as great can be for 2 people who dont see each other that often. sass had to getin his ass a lil bit last week but it was for the best! thanks homie...

AllHipHop: work is work is work... still love it... ive been slacking a lil (lot) lately... ive been so unmotivated....so many things that i felt/feel i want to do and dont know how to do them or atleast get them started... i am a mess..

Tis' the season: sure doesnt feel like it. i dunno why but it doesnt feel very christmas-y to me. granted i am running around like a fool buying all types of shit for my friends and fam.. but other then that... i dont feel the spirit.... egh...just call me The Grinch...

Reads: I am reading THe Miseducation of the Negro... lemme tell ya.. i read it in college but retained nothing, so im going at it again this time im reading with rentention. I also read the Willie Lynch Letter... thats a whole damn post in itself... if you didnt read it... shit... black people... U NEED TOO!!!

So... ive got a few after christmas dinner dates with the crew/friends/ old friends!

new reads: mannnn... ive been reading the gossip blogs and have become addicted to: FRESH and YOUNG BLACK AND FABOLOUS!!!! check them out... gotta stay on top of the celeb news...

how in the hell could i forget: schmoe... man... lemme tell u about this kid... he doesnt give up... i had completely written him off as even being a POTENTIAL anything because of his inconsistency and here he comes again... hitting me with the... " I was trying to do this at my pace but obviously my pace is wrong... so guide me.. i wanna be that man for you in the new year. dont you see it? me and you being ebony magazines youngest, newest power couple in the entertainment industry... "... there was more said but... hes killing me.. some nice slick talk but dude... actions speaking louder then words... and besides... no matter how far he is.. KJC isnt having that... i feel like he has a sixth sense because as soon as im done chatting to one person thats trying to spark up something other then a convo... like captain Save-A-Hoe... KJC to the rescue... i swear!

Whats everyone's plan for the holiday season? Im going to be in VA with my mommaaa! im going to be MIAAAAA... i will probably blog a few times while im down there.. im going to use that time to get my mind right and ready for the 06... o5 was a good year.. but 06 will be a GREAT year.. ya heard?!?!?!?

...signing off with a smile*

Damned blogger!!

2005-12-02T19:14:00.000-05:00

u know... i had a GREAT DAMN welcome ME back post... and blogger ate that shit! im tight! so mad i dont even want to write it again right now... so therefore..

I WONT...

ill be back tomorrow...

GLAD TO BE BACK YA'LL... :O)

...signing off with a smile*

?

2005-11-13T20:51:00.000-05:00

ecstatically excited...
yet so bored,
so focused and ready...
yet so confused and scared
so confident
yet... so unsure...
so content with myself...

yet so unsatisfied with what I see,

so happy and cheery,

yet... so sad inside
so much to say,
but yet...
nothing to write...

~*me*~

... going through the motions again people... bear with me... be back in a few...

...signing off with a smile*

Remember when...

2005-11-04T22:19:00.000-05:00

a friend of mine posted this on the wall of my handy dandy facebook! i thought i'd share it with you for a moment of reflection... this one goes out to Nik nak... :o)

(Please excuse the poor grammer... i didnt feel like editing it) ENJOY!

TAKE TIME OUT & ACTUALLY READ DIS!
Close your eyes...
And go back...
Before the Internet or the AIM
Before semi automatics and weed
Before playstation2 or X-bOX
Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night... ..
Way back...
I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.
Red light, Green light.
Playing kickball & dodgeball until your porch light came on.
Mother May I?
Red Rover
four square Hula Hoops
Running through the sprinkler
Happy Meals
Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car
Wait...
Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons Like Hey Arnold and Doug Recess
Or what about legends of the hidden temple, global guts, double dare, bloody mary and
ARE YOU AFFRAID OF THE DARK! Who could forget Snick Or the teenage mutant ninja turtles, scooby doo, and Power Rangers, Christmas morning... Your first day of school Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses Climbing trees Getting an ice cream off the ice cream truck (the real ice cream truck w/ cones & banana splits) A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers Jumpin' down the steps Jumpin' on the bed Pillow fights Runnin' till you were out of breath Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt and you almost peed your pants Laughing so hard that you did pee your pants Being tired from playin' all day Your first crush... Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads down 7-Up" & "King chase the Queen" in the classroom Remember that? I'm not finished yet... Kool-Aid & Icee Cups was the drink of the summer Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars or spokes Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school Class Field Trips When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there. When getting high was swinging on the swing-set When $5 seemed like a million, and another dollar a Miracle. When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were so cool. When Toys r Us overuled the "mall" I want to go back to the time when... Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe" Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!" "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly" Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends. Saying cuss words were referred to the "F, B or S - word" or h-e double hockey sticks. Being old, referred to anyone over 20. The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties. The only real heart break you had was when your mom wouldnt buy you that new toy Nobody was prettier than Mom Nobody was cooler than Dad Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park. Getting an inch of snow was a dream come true. Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare" Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles. If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!

Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life... If this helped u stop thinkin bout stuff in college that's already gettin on yo nerves, write on my wall "I needed that" i double dog dare you

...signing off with a smile*

Perfect!!!

2005-10-31T21:27:00.000-05:00

this template is soooooooooooo me!!!!! bright, full of color, wild, random! ITS WONDERFUL!!! PERFECTTTTTTTTTTTT!... i love it... anywho... i forgot to mention a few things...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO....

ME! this month marked my one year anniversary with blogger!!! and it also marks my two year nappaversary!!! GOOO MEEEEEE...

...signing off with a smile*

Guess who's BIZZAACK!

2005-10-26T09:53:00.000-04:00

yes yes, i know.. its about time trick!!!! i do apologize for my unannounced hiatus. but u know how us gemini's be... always THINK we are too busy... :O) anyhow... here goes an eye full of randomness that ive been wanting to yap about but couldnt find a minute.... still waiting for that damn 25th hour...

and the asshole of the year award goes to:

ME

so last night i finally rinsed some color back into my already dyed hair because sass told me my shit was looking ashy... lol... so i did... and wound up rinsing my face in the process. first let me tell you... i guess i put tons of color in the back of my hair cuz when i got to the front and the top... i had nothing left in the bottle... jeezus... anyhow... so after leaving the rinse in my hair for approximately one hour (when the directions call for 25 minutes) i get in the shower to rinse it out. great! all done! im looking in the mirror applying my oils and shit to moisten this mop and what do i see... red scalp, forehead and sideburns... not funny as all... i guess i didnt notice the color running down the side of my face when i was sitting around the house but it ran pretty damn far! i used alcohol to try to remove the color from my face but no luck... so now i have the mean red elvis sideburns... on both sides of my face... what an ass!!!

this morning...

i think i have on the wrong color stockings... the package said nude... but im guessing my skin color is not nude... what!?!? i wore NAVY BLUE stockings for 4 years in high school so all i know is navy blue... i have no clue as to what color to wear that gives you that natural hue... im guessing for me its COFFEE.. i did see that one but for some reason i didnt pick it up.. i guess i thought NUDE meant SHEER... back to eckerds!

on my way to work...

had the dell-pod on random play as usual and GUY's "Lets chill" came on! AWWW MANN!!!! what a classic... i was amped... i think i was singing in the bus... move over tyrese!

at work...

i went to make some tea when i got to work and put an aluminum cup in the microwave... nuff said... (for those that dont know... aluminum DOES NOT belong in the microwave... it WILL cause a fire) then... i walk to my office and turn my portable heater on... i pick it up to adjust the temperature setting and accidently drop the damn thing on the floor. can u say sparks! if i had a jerry curl i would have been like the gloved one in that infamous pepsi commercial.

G.R.I.T.S (girls raised in the south)

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy SUZIE Q! that girl right there is the S.H.I.T! Love her to death... ok so yeah im late... two weeks late to be exact but whatever... sass and i took suzie q to bumpy's, bubbly's... some restaurant down in soho (?) for some good eats! then shopped like we had it like that (just cuz we dont doesnt mean we cant front like we do) lol! now its our turn to visit. ATL HERE WE COME... gotta luv blogger...

Have you seen her?

Keish from the chi!! WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!? I lost ure link to ure blogsome home and im upset about that! come backkkkk...

HEYYYYYYYY PRETTTYY NIKKIIIII!!! what it do homie?

SCHMOE

as quickly as he came back, he left again... i dont know why i even bother to respond to him when he hits me with his "hey beautiful" or entertain him after he says "ive missed you" or " i was thinking about you... ure always on my mind".... RIGHT!?!?! whatever man... i know hes busy... and thats fine.. we all are.. but why do i keep talking to him... i guess its the mystery of what he is, how he is and what we could be... if anything... i dont necessarily mean relationship wise... cuz im not interested in that right now... but... u know... the attraction between was/ and is obviously still crazy because i have yet to leave him alone and even after pulling the disappearing act for 3 weeks... he still comes back ... i like this lil game... i think i may stay in it for awhile...

dr.love

is the man... i cant really say exactly all that i want to say about him cuz he may be reading this right now!!!! but... hes special... thats all i care to say at this moment...

KJC

all im asking the lord to do is send me is a sign... what do i do what do i do?????!?!?!? do i leave it at what it is now... do i stay and try to make it better... wtf!!?!?! 702's "Can we get it together" was my song last night... i played it a million times. i want to burn the song and send it to him in the mail... what do you think? help me out people... there is soooo much more to him, me, we, us, this story... but if i continue i may just f*&k up the rest of my day...

gotta update my daily dose list... got some new friends...

ill be back after these messages... i have a "remember when" to post...

heyyy sass!

any me me's??? I love those!

...signing off with a smile*

R.I.P

2005-10-24T22:31:00.000-04:00

i have tons to write about but not much time but i had to pay homage: RIP

February 4, 1913 - October 24th 2005

...signing off *

100 things about me

2005-10-12T23:18:00.000-04:00

Ok so i started this list in APRIL... and it is now October and im done... ENJOY!

1. My bday is June 17th
2. IM A GEMINIIII!!! I LOVE BEING A GEMINI
3. I love chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (minus the chocolate chips)
4. I HATE LAPTOPS (eventhough i have one)
5. I miss Pace University (sometimes)
6. My mommy is my favorite person in the world!
7. Steph and I have been best friends since 7th grade.
8. I hate my feet!
9. I hate YOUR FEET!
10. I HATE FEET IN GENERAL.
11. I had breast reduction surgery two feb's ago!
12. I love my friends
13. I love going out and meeting people
14. I graduated from Pace University last may
15. I was a Communications Major and Marketing minor
16. I met one my "mentors' there!
17. CC aka 7 is the best (my mentor)
18. I met Cymple there too. Shes a smart chick!
19. I love food!
20. I have no favorite food. I eat everything.
21. Im beginning to appreciate my natural hair
22. I won a school district wide writing contest in 5th grade.
23. I got a 1210 on my SAT'S
24. I love piercings
25. At one point I had 11 piercings...
26. 5 of them WERE NOT in my ears
27. Now i only have one active piercing... lol
28. I love TATTOOS!
29. So far I have 4... two more to come by the end of the year
30. My favorite movies are Love and Basketball and The Jackson 5 story.... ( Michael, Tito, go get a switch!!!! ~* Joe Jackson)
31. My favorite colors are blue and silver
32. But i love to wear earth tones, tans and browns and oranges are my shit now!!!
33. I LOVE MY NEW BALENCIAGA BAG!!! * wink wink suzie @ and sass* (ya'll dont know bout that!!!! its ok.. i didnt know bout it either up until yesterday!!!!)
34. I want to read more
35. I have become quite the "fashionista"! Not quite like Sass but im getting there!
36. I want to start hair modeling
37. I also want to get into commercials
38. I used to want to be a writer
39. Then when this whole computer thing started, I wanted to go into computers!
40. Then I had this obsession with aquatic life and I wanted to be a marine biologist.
41. Then i found my calling at Pace
42. I wanted to be a publicist
43. I altered it a lil bit, now im focused on my radio VJ stint
44. I fear nothing but this has got me scared shitless
45. Im afraid of failure
46. im afraid of not knowing what to do with myself IF i should fail
47. Im afraid that i would be proving my father if i were to ever fail
48. I took photography while at Pace
49. I LOVED THAT CLASS!!!
50. I want to get back into photography
51. Im also going to start my T-Shirt line! Coming in 06! Watch out for it!
52. Gemini's are some creative muthafuckas!
53. When I was younger I used to make things every christmas for christmas money.
54. I made clay ornaments one year. I think I made about 60 bucks that year!
55. Then i got into the crochet butterflies!
56. Then i made angels!
57. Then i made christmas ornaments, plastic canvas and yarn ornaments.
58. I cashed in that winter...
59. I made about 300!! Thats a lot for a high school jr.
60 . I got my first job when i was 16
61. I worked in Cross COunty's movie theatre
62. I loved it there! I still talk to a few people that i met there.
63. I do not cook!
64. I love laughing! Maks me feel good!
65. Im loud as hell!
66. and very silly! But quite friendly...
67. Im very dramatic... my facial expressions say it all! PRICELESS!
68. I dont regret ANYTHING that ive ever done or said! NOTHING!!!
69. Im very "Free spirited" (according to KJC. I agree!)
70. I love the blog world and the people that i have met thusfar!
71. I dont like chocolate.
72. I was obsessed with Beef Patties and cheese this summer. i remember the first day we met! I was being greedy eating someone else's
73. No matter how much i hate the man, i miss my father.... (wow)
74. I love anyone that can make me laugh
75. I love KJC (had to slip that in there)
76. I speak Arabic. And yes i can hold a conversation!
77. I learned from my dad... hes muslim.
78. I have tons of books full of poetry... my words in motion id like to call them
79. I love shoes!
80. I love bags!!!
81. I want to go to Grad School.
82. I just dont want to pay for it!
83. I want to marry ?, have a white picket fence and two kids and a dog named Leonard Sebastian
84. I love Curious George
85. I love ABU from Alladin
86. I would pose for KING.. (wouldnt you!?!?!?)
87. Id like to be happy in my skin
88. I dont use Public restrooms
89. Ill wait till my bladder damn nears bursts before I used a public restroom...
90. I love music
91. Ive rememeber listening to Z100 on my pink radio when i was 6!
92. I damn near died when that radio broke...
93. I hate WINTER and SNOW!!!!!! ( u would never know i was from NYC)
94. I love the smell of SPRING!
95. I was a happy baby
96. I came out of the womb smiling!
97. I LOVE ME!
98. I think im destined for greatness
99. More then anything in the world, I want to make my mommy proud
100. I want her to see me on TV , on a magazine cover, IN A magazine... and smile and say " Thats my baby!"

...signing off with a smile*

Craziness

2005-10-05T10:49:00.000-04:00

who in their right mind would stick their hands in someone ELSE'S car and steal their pet??!?! i used to think that the area of the bx that i grew up in was pretty decent but shit... makes me think again... sass, her momma, and my dog was stolen last night... lil miss mattox... what to do what to do... are they feeding her? are they playing with her? will they get annoyed with her and bring her back? fucking thieves!!!!!! GIVE HER BACK!!!!

~*~ thanks to all those who gave me a lil inspiration to erase hate from my mind,body, soul and heart... my dear satan entry took a lot of out of me... and please believe i had much more to say but i couldnt see through the tears and i though that a wet keyboard was means for electrocution!

~*~ so i had the meeting with Roget Romain from www.selfmadetv.com! IT WAS GREAT! I will be recording my show tomorrow in the LIONS DEN (LOL)... thats the studio that my friend KV records in... he calls it the lions den cuz their is nothing but pure DUDES in that bitch... that are more then likely to attack me... but it will just be me, him and DJ S Gutta in there tomorrow.. wish me luck...

~*~ when you click on the selfmade link... click the stereo just to get a feel of what my show will be like... im CRAZY EXCITED!!!!

~*~ Suzie Q WHERE ARE YOU!!! Keep monday open... sass and I got something planned 4 ya!

~*~ my momma left on sunday... it was nice to see her the few times that i did... didnt get to see her much with work and all.. she will be back in two weeks... dinner on me!

~*~ bubba gumps on 42nd is great! i love seafood... the service is good but the waiting staff is a lil' toooo chipper for my liking!!!

~*~ Schmoe has left the building...again...

~*~ just when i thought he was down and out.. KJC has returned... i love me some him... ill be in the chi either late this month or early november... its about that time...

~*~ that 100 things about me list is coming!

...signing off with a smile*

Dear Daddy

2005-09-29T00:12:00.000-04:00

... it will be 5 years on Columbus day weekend since our last encounter. crazy huh? ive got so much to say and cant wait for the day that i can say it... to your face! i know my letter hurt you last year... the one i sent attached to my graduation ceremony invitation ,AFTER the date had passed. I did it on purpose. u didnt deserve to be there! not at all. you didnt contribute shit! mommy did it ALL on her own! the only thing u helped me do was lose my damn scholarship freshman year. had this lil 18 year old stressed the fuck out!!!! but no one would ever guess... it was like the tears of a clown.. i hid behind that big ass grin that everyone has grown to know me for ... the same face i hid behind in high school... i have NO CLUE how i did it... but they sent me to counseling. they though that me surpressing my feelings and emotions for so long was bound to take a toll on my lil body, soul and mind... little did they know i was ok... and still am... or am i ... all i needed was to get away from you... hate is a strongggggggg word... but i think im close to hating you... it feels like yesterday when u slapped me and told me i wasnt worth u spending money to go away to school.. and that all i was going to do was get pregnant and have a child that you and mommy would have to take care of... thats all you thought of me... it feels like yesterday that i hit you back cuz i could no longer take it... feels like yesterday that i kicked the side view mirror off of ure new altima.. yeah that was me...!

what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger... isnt that what they say? so thank you asshole... u made me stronger and want to suceed SO MUCH MORE... im sure once you see me on tv, and see how sucessful this "idiotic, moronic worthless piece of shit "has come to be, ure chest is going to be poked out like you had something to do with it. i hope someone kicks you in ure chest and cracks ure fucking rib cage and brings you down to size... humble? you dont know what the fuck that is... the closest ive seen you to humble is the day u called mommy to tell her that grandpa died. crying and bawling and shit like you gave a fuck about that man... u didnt give a damn about him... i heard u treated him like shit.. u and ure stupid brother... poor uncle.. simple fool... but u called and cried cuz u felt bad about how ure relationship was with him. what goes around comes the fuck around. i hope u suffered.. i hope u felt guilty, but i know u didnt. i know u like the back of my hand... crocodile tears u shed... but karma is a bitch! cuz i am going to treat you the way u treated him, the way u treated me... u will die a sad, lonely man... i hope you do... i have to chuckle to myself sometimes... and i wish i could remind you, but mommy tells me to leave you alone.. but u should be in jail right now and u know it... right next to lil kim, cuz ure a bitch! i know if you were to read this letter ud be mad as hell! i could give a rats ass... i should send it to you... maybe i will..send it at the end of december so u can bring in the new year with some kind words! im not that lil 12,13,14,15,16,17 or 18 year old anymore...

... happy birthday dear daddy...

*

A dose...

2005-09-28T23:28:00.001-04:00

of some good ol' Tola thoughts!

... so tomorrow i have the meeting with the guy about that thing... u know what im tombout... lol ... the radio show.. so once i find out the details and specifics, so shall you... im excited... Sasss... what should i wear?

... i just got off the phone with an old classmate of mine that i havent seen in about 3 years. we went to high school together... he found me on the facebook (like everyoone else has. I SEE YOU! :) what is facebook? its kinda like a college blackplanet, anyway i digress... so during our two hour convo, we talked about music and where he wants to take his ccareer and so on and so forth. what is his career u ask? he is a producer. he did work on Method mans upcomin album and is currently doing work on biggies album... not bad for someone who just graduated...

... my momma is here... missed her much! as usual i get a lil teary eyed when i think of all the things my mommy has done for me... and again when everyone complains about sudent loans kicking their ass... i just sit back, smile and thank god for my special lady...

... ok so sass, and cymple... suzie Q will be up here the weekend on the ....( suzie Q fill in the blank) and we MUST take her to lunch/dinner and show her how its done in the NYC... cuz i dont think she knows...

... i am pissed that i missed the first episode of "Everybody hates chris"! Was it funny? Fill me in please...

... Cathy Hughes... if you dont know who this woman is please google her or read the last issue (before the Beyonce cover) of Essence... a post on her is yet to come

... hes confusing me... and im NOT talking about KJC.. im scared... ive known this fool for a minute and the tension between has been crazy... we flirt quite a bit, while in school and now that we are college grads he wants to take me out.. im down... but i know he wants to jump my bones too... im down... lmao... man... thats another post too...

... kjc...

*sigh*

..signing off with a smile*

A B C's

2005-09-23T10:13:00.000-04:00

so, i stole this from Suzie Q and im tagging.......... NIK NAK, THAT SASSY ASS , PRINCESSS D, and CC (where are you?. Cymple... ill let u slide cuz i know u hate tags andddd Suzie Q hit u... ANDDD i didnt see u post!!!!!!LOL... anyhow...

A: Accent: New Yawker BABYY!!!
B: Breast Size: LMAOOOO!!! Before or AFTER surgery?? I think 36 DDD before, 36 B/c after...
C: Chore you hate: Washing f*(*ing dishes!!! DISHWASHERS RULEEE... who wants a chick with dishpan hands!?!?!?!?
D: Dads name: SATIN FIDEL (not his real name)
E: Essential Make up: MAC LipGlass in SPITE (Thanks to my dominican platano)
F: Favorite Perfume: D& G Light Blue and Britneys Curious
G: Gold or Silver: Silver
H: Hometown: BRONX NYYYYY!!!
I: Insomnia: No, not really
J: Job Title: Sales and Marketing Assistant
K: Kids: Nope
L: Living Arrangements: with my WONDERFUL aunt (in a million dollar condo, maybe thats why my rent is so high)
M: Mom's Birthplace: McKinney Virginia
N: Number of Sexual Partners you've had: LMAO... as far as im concerned... only one matters... so i say 1... thats my story and im sticking to it...
O: Overnight hospital stays: Nope.. none
P: Phobia: Losing my mommy
Q: Favorite Quote: Be carefull of the toes you step on today because they might be connected to the foot that stomps on you tomorrow...
R: Religious affiliation: Baptist
S: Siblings: Older non-existent sister... lol
T: Two you are tagging: My bloggettes
U: Un-natural hair colors uve worn: None, but my platano says i should go bleach blond... hey.. why not?
V: Vegetable you refuse to eat: Asparagus
W: WOrst habit: cursing like a sailor
X: X-rays you've had: None
Z: Zodiac Sign:
GEMINIIIIII!!!

Ive been working on my " 100 Things about me ) list for sometime now... why am I only up to # 17... ill try to have that up by next Friday... :o)

...signing off with a smile*

Crazy, sexy, COOL

2005-09-21T10:46:00.000-04:00

You couldnt tell me that these females werent the epitome of cool. Sass and I were damn near in tears last night remeniscing on how important this group was to us in our younger days. I remember the first time i saw the video for Baby, Baby, Baby ! I wanted to go to school in ATL, at that time im sure i didnt know where ATL was located but dammit! I had to be there.

OOHHHHHH on the TLC TIP WAS a classic. Granted, i havent listened to in sometime now, it is still one of my favs. Hat 2 da Back was def one of my favorites! But Something you wanna know, and This is how it should be done... was my shit!!!! Those were unreleased... for those dont know.. DOWNLOADDDD THEM!!! How about T-BOZ's interlude where she kicked homeboy down the stairs for telling her she couldnt go to the clluuuubb!!! Loved it...

These 3 women paved the way for female groups of today. Granted, they werent as sexi as the ladies of Beyonce's Child, they were still the shit in their own way. I let the cat out of teh bag the other nighht when i told Sass that i was the secret 4th member. OH, you aint know!?!? Yeah that was me in teh background, the one that you couldnt see... but yes i was there. I couldnt go on tour with them all the time cuz i had school and all but see... they had made that acception cuz i was um.... yeah.. lol.....

TLC definatly played a huge role in the evolution. The evolution of women in music, and entertainment and this dream that we now call the ultimate girl group.

...signing off with my hat 2 da back*

wow...

2005-09-18T12:39:00.000-04:00

im not going to go in detail (because i dont even know them yet) but ... guess who has her own radio show playing classic R and B on an online radio station like Serius Satelite!?!?!?!?...

... think...

... u still thinking?

...nope not her!

give up!?!?!?

MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will go into detail a lil later...

but in the meantime, can you guys think of some classic R and B songs that i can play? I have to provide the higher ups with a playlist!

...signing off with a smile*

TAG! Im It...

2005-09-16T10:10:00.000-04:00

yeah yeah yeah.. i know it took me long enuff but here ya go!

List ten songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

1. Kanyeezie! Diamonds REMIX (plus the whole damn CD)

2. Gucci Mane: SO IICCEEYYYY!! ( say something!?!! I dare you!)

3. The whole Keyshia Cole CD

4. Jill Scott : E in Lyzel Flat

5. Fefe Dobson : BYE BYE BOYFRIEND!!!!

6. John Legend: Live it up

7. Sade: By Your side

8: Webbie: Bad BItch ft. Trina

9. T.I. : ASAP (whole album)

10: R. Kelly: Sex weed!!! TP3 reloaded, TP2.com, R. ALL OF THEM!!!!!

can i add one more???

11. Mariah: Stay the night.... hehehe

I dunno who to tag! EVeryone i would have tagged, sass did already.. oh well... EVERYBODYY!!! TAGGGGGG URE IT!!!
...signing off with a smile*

HI!

2005-09-16T09:47:00.000-04:00

the past few days have been spent on my reinvention! ive gotten some great advice from my fellow bloggettes and im taking heed. *

*~* a lil randomness

* www.sheliagross.com ! CHECK IT OUT! Thank you for the advice. Muah!!

* i was thinking about our friendship this morning... and how it has evolved. i dont remember exactly how old we were when we had that dance class but i do remember attacking u in church after U LEFT ME in that dance class by myself... lol... small world huh? our guy friends were friends ( L and R) which lead us to being closer friends and eventually kicking them to the curb!U never ceast to amaze me, i admire ure wisdom, creativity, splendor and sass! i know we are both struggling now but it is only a matter of time. we will take nyc, this industry, this world by storm... because WE ARE masterpieces... the adventures of starsky and hutch... thelma and louis (and curtis), Muhammad and Deepat (LMAO) has only just begun... they aint ready for us Sass.... they aint' ready... LUV YA HOMIE!!!!!

* I saw Jayz and Beyonce last night at The Carol's Daughter store opening on 125th. Be looked gorgeous as usual... but Jay... he didnt look like himself to me.. he looked nice.. dont get me wrong but he looked... perfect... not a flaw on him.. suit and all.. face was flawless... like he and Be have the same dermetologist... OR makeup artist!

* So Schmoe asked me to go to the Source Awards with him... we shall see... Source awards are kind of "hood". Im not sure if a lady of my calibur belongs there... lmao

* The fam from New Orleans is coming up today... lord.. its about to be Bourbon street and Mardi Gras in the crib...

* why do i still get teary eyed everytime i see anything about NO on tv, or in the paper...?

* why do i get even more teary eyed when i look into Uncle Ed's eyes as he stares at his home underwater... ?

* we all know that George W. is not fond of minorities... but are we always going to pull the race card everytime something happens...?

* I know im going to catch some heat from that last comment.. but i think i can handle it (hands over my head shielding me from the blows coming my way)

* My momma is coming in next week sat! cant wait to see my favorite lady!

* why does Kanye's " Hey Mama" make me cry!

* Smile Pretty Nikki... *

...signing off with a smile*

The Emancipation of me!

2005-09-06T15:13:00.000-04:00

so ive decided that the rest of the year is going to be used to prepare myself to take 06 by storm... im still confused as hell but i DO KNOW that im going to use the rest of the year to get my ass in order. i have a plan! and i will stick to it... i want a certain amount of money saved up, most of my debt paid, and i want to be thhhissss close to moving into my own apt come jan/feb 06. thats not too much to ask is it? i didnt think so either... im also just going to stick to what im doing now jobwise... im always searching for a new job but i think im going to lay low for the rest of the year. im always on monster, craigslist, entcareers.net, always coming across great career opportunities. but instead of trying to jump on everything that i see, im going to be content with what i have for now and build with that... makes sense?? Allhiphop is doing the damn thing right now and im not going any damn where... the consultant job is going well too... so im just g0ing to stick with it and build... i know i want to be this on air personality cuz' i have personality and.... i should be ON AIR... hahah (im corny) but whats my rush... ? i try to do everything at once... in college i was able to pull it off... internship, on campus job ( CC & Cymple were the best mentors!) president of and active member of a few on-campus organizations... oh... and not to mention class... i balanced them all... kinda... lol... but i need to take things in stride... relax... plan... strategically... have a plan A, B and C. thats what im going to use 06 for... entertainment isnt going anywhere... at all...

i have to keep reminding myself that good ol' Free didnt get to BET until she was 32, but im not waiting that long for my attack... :o)

...signing off with a smile*

State of confusion

2005-09-04T22:45:00.000-04:00

how can someone so focused be so confused? i havent a clue but a state of confusion is what i am in right now... i knew what i wanted in school.... i wanted to be a publicist.. have my own firm and everything... even dabble in some marketing. but now, shit... dont ask me cuz ill tell you this " i have no clue". being in the real world has exposed me to so much that i am in a state of confusion... so much to do so lil time.. thats how i feel. but i have to remind myself that i am only 23 and to stop comparing myself to others. im bored... life is boring me right now... ive had toooo much downtime... thats probably why im so damn confused.. .downtime = thinking time... and u know ones whole life plan can be fucked up just by "thinking". right now, i know i dont want to do pr anymore... why? I dont know... i am still thinking about my on-air/ radio personality bid, but only god knows when and if that will happen... i was thinking about going back to school to get a masters in african american studies... im interested to know about my history... BUT that costs money... no can do.. UNLESS i find a job at a university again... been there done that... so now what? i applied to this copy editing program that im interesed in... we shall see what happens with that.. but im still confused... kjc isnt making it any better either... hes an idiot... thats all i have to say about him...

a lil randomness...

i was watching celebrity fit club! i love tocarra... homegirl went from 205 to 173... i swear she looked smaller then that at last weeks AllHipHop fashion show! She looked great...

schmoe came back... he said he was in atl with his momma... helping her out... :o(

the spam comments have got to stop ( Ms. anonymous that includes you... you are SPAM)

nik nak where in the heeeezie!?!?!?!?

nothing more...

...signing off *

LOL

2005-09-03T21:11:00.000-04:00

not that it meanss anything to me... but obviously i have fans... thank you for the hits... but anonymous posts make you a coward... loser.. get a life! Stop reading certain blogs and posting anonymously... :o) Have a great day!

...signing off with a smile*

...

2005-09-02T23:49:00.000-04:00

i dont know why i keep doing it to myself. im still watching the news, videos, anything i can find about the situation in NO knowing that its going to make me sick... but this video... brought more tears to my eyes...

Listen to him...

But check out the wording of these reports:

Racism still alive...

I would comment on George Bush but all i can say is God help us...

an old post of mine...
...signing off with a smile*

Running rampant...

2005-09-01T02:48:00.000-04:00

... is what my mind is doing right now. i cant sleep. ive been in bed since 12 but its damn near 3 and im WIDE AWAKE. im not sure if its katrina thats bothering me, me going through KJC withdrawal, or if its the pills that i popped this afternoon (dont ask). im bothered. dont know by what, but i do know im bothered. im watching this special on VH1 with India Aire entitled " Tracking the Monster." its a documentary of her trip through africa visiting those with HIV/AIDS. this shit has me f***ed up too... just watching the orphaned children run around is bugging me the hell out. India Aire made friends with a 14 year old orphan who looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. she gave her a bookbag full of lil' things we take for granted, like a tub of vaseline, some flipflops and some other things that i couldnt make out because of my blurred teary eyed vision. the girl looked like it was christmas! she was elated as i sit/ sat here devistated.

cymple scared the hell out of me tonight as well... the last paragraph in PASSING ME BY is the last thing that i needed to read tonight. THANX CYMPLE! THANK YOU. :o(. all i can think of is... yes ure pastor is right... so what next???? jezus... i need sleep...

...signing off *

Katrina

2005-08-31T11:33:00.000-04:00

i have a lot to talk about regarding last week's SUCCESSFULLLLLL ALLHIPHOP Week, my lil trip to Delaware this weekend, and SCHMOEEEEE resurfacing but right now all i can think of is this damn Katrina...

WOW... my aunt is sick right now. her side of the fam is from New orleans and she hasnt spoken to anyone. this is crazy. im watching the video footage in disbelief. its soooo unreal to me. especially it being in the USA. when the tsunami hit indonesia and taiwan, it was sad... it was crazy.. but it didnt hit home... katrina on the other hand... is toooo close for comfort. what are people supposed to do? how do you start over after something like this? whats wrong with mother nature? what did we do? ive been a basket case just watching this stuff with my mouth open. i havent been this glued to the TV since the 2004 presidential race. it was s disheartening to watch this 77 year old woman walk on the side of the highway. those sudden feelings changed to anger when i saw our people looting the damn walmart stealing TV's. WTF!??!?!? Sir... WHERE are you going with that television???? there is NOOOO electricty and probably wont be any for awhile. are you going to carry that all the way to Texas? Whats wrong with people... but in the words of sass... those arent black people... those are "niggers". PAUSE... remember: nigger= ignorant... and that they were... i couldnt help but feel sick when i saw the historical french quarters damn near under water as well... no more Bourbon street... whats going to be of Mardi gras? i generally saw new orleans as a town of food and fun... thats how my aunt made it sound... and now.. all u see is water... water... and more water...

the last thing i watched brought a tear to my eye... this woman was walking in the street, wading through the water and said " this is new orleans... we are strong, we will make it through by the grace of God." thats some serious faith...

...signing off with a smile*

Growing up so fast...

2005-08-22T21:49:00.000-04:00

my lil 12 year old cousin scared me today... she just told me she cant wait to be 23 so she could go out with me... then i felt myself sounding like an adult telling her to relax... and dont rush her life...enjoy ure teenage days.. those are some precious years... i dont know what happened but i felt my eyes burn a lil' bit like i was about to cry... then i started thinking about my younger days... and how i couldnt wait to grow up...and now how i long for those days... high school especially... i loved it.. ill tell anyone i loved high school more then college.. it was my release... my people were great! getting to school early so u can chit chat with ure friends before homeroom... having ure heart skip when u see that boy that u have a crush on... not being able to talk to that boy until senior year... lol... just being carefree... my years at the movie theatre were hella fun too... carlos... mm mm mm... shakeef... damn.. bringing back some great memories... lets not forget the money... how was my bank account bigger when i was in high school then it is now?? nooooo damn bills... i dont think u heard me.. NOOOOOOO BILLSS... lorddddddddd what happenedddd!??? WHYYYY JEEZUSSS WHYYYY!!! (lol Sass)... 23... when i say it, i cant believe.. but yes im 23... where did the years go?

...signing off with a smile*

Thoughts...

2005-08-22T20:46:00.000-04:00

i was going to title this post Monday Ramblings again but i decided not to... why? I dont know... seems like i always have a lot to ramble about on monday's... crazy! anyhow, so i followed suit and made a blogsome blog, but for some reason i am not feeling it. its not as pretty as nik nak's, cymple's or keish's. i must not be doing something right... anyhow... im not going to post the link until i get it to look the way i want it too...so until then.. www.missbhavin617.com it is!

so im stuck again... i have NO CLUE what to do with my hair anymore. dammit i miss that creamy crack!!! i miss it like... i miss my momma and kjc... im going crazy... i feel like ive come so far... why perm it.. not that anything's wrong with the oh so wonderful perm... but jeez... what to do what to do.. ive been thinking about putting braids back in it.. but no one told me to take those bitches out of my head in the first place... i could have just done the front and back over.. but no... i wanted to be a fast and see my hair.. WHY???? i know what the hell hair strands look like!! DAMMIT... now im assed out.. cuz i am NOT sitting in Adeola's chair for 7 hours... no no no... lol ... HELP ME PLEASE SOMEONE... maybe i should get a weave.. or another "investment".

Keyshia coles album is so hot! This is one album that i can listen to and not skip a damn song... and thats hard to come by like a perfect man...

this may be the last thing u read about kjc for a minute... we are in two diff states, on two different pages and in two diff worlds... i dont think hes ready for my world right now...im falling back... thats a post for blogsome... thats going to be the softer side of sears... lol

this weekend was the beginning of allhiphop week. the bbq was great! the food was catered by J's Southern Express... thats Mona's Scotts new restaurant(Violator Management)... delicious!!! im getting hungry just thinking about the ribs, chicken, fried whiting, mac and cheese...yes lord!

*pause* i just got finished praising Keyshia Cole's album... BUT did she just say
"CONVERSATE"??? oh shit... (listen to Guess what... and tell me if my ears were playing tricks on me)

so my PACE football player emailed me again today telling me that he was looking for me saturday night... heheh... really??? lets see how this goes...

ladies and gentlemen Schmoe has left the building. he has officially feel off the face of the earth. i was thinking that it had something to do with his uncle being in trouble again (suge knight) or he could be on tour with Rell (circa summer 2002... think "You know whats up") either way... i hope he comes back soon...

...signing off with a smile*

Im rocking rough and tough...

2005-08-19T15:30:00.000-04:00

...with my afro-pufff! Tollaaa rock on with your baddd self...

now i just have to figure out what to do with this mess! I like it though... its growing on me... anyway.. here's a dose of this weeks randomness.

...so my cousin finally hooked up the wireless internet on my laptop! YESSS!! u know im excited. dont have to wait for the stinking teenagers to quit hogging the dsl (gotta luv em)

...question for ya... why is everyone leaving blogspot? (Cymple, Keish)? its kind of like in elementary school when everyone runs away from that lil kid that eats his boogies or wets his/her pants... LMAO... (dont ask)

... im sure everyone has seen the commercials for "Everybody hates Chris", Chris Rocks new show on UPN. I can not wait... that show is going to be HILARIOUS...

... am i the only one that thinks Ciara and Bow Wow make the cutest damn couple? (Even IF she is 2 inches taller then him). i love that song "like you" and the video is just as cute as they are!

... Tyra Banks and her new talk show... *crickets* WHAT??? This big headed broad on TV FIVEEE days a week now, TWICE ON TUESDAY AND FRIDAY... u cant be serious! how long do you think this one will last? i read that oprah endorsed Tyras show... so it will probably last as long as Gayle's show did.

... i love gwyneth paltrow. she is one of hollywoods best actresses but why oh why would you name your baby "Apple"? she better have some hidden reason behind that shit... lol and nothing like " She is the apple of my eye" no no no, thats not aceptable! well.. let me hush.. its her child... that will probably hate her when she hits elementary school...

...i was reading the post this morning. yes i know, "The post"? but i did not feel like breaking a 20 for .50 cents! So i bought the post. but why did i see 6 typos in that damn paper? WOW! Who is your copy editor!???? I want their job...

... work has me exhausted... allhiphop week is next week so i will be MIA... should be fun though... we've got tons of stuff lined up... cant wait to see the outcome...(if ure not with it... check out the site, www.allhiphop.com)

...missing my momma... and K.J.C

...signing off with a smile*

If I act now...

2005-08-17T23:55:00.000-04:00

...i will make this situation ten times worse... but deep down inside i know its not that serious... so i will sleep on it.. dammit my mouth will get me in trouble... im steaming right now... i gotta sleep on it ...

WHaT??? I DARE YOU!*

LUDAAAAAAAAAAA

2005-08-17T13:39:00.000-04:00

BEWARE: this is a scary pic... and im only posting it cuz a few people requested to see my Luda-fro... it gets bigger...

LMAO... dont let the ugly pic fool ya! Im still a pretty fly chick if i must say so myself!

and another:

...signing off with a smile*

Happppppyyy Birthdayyyy

2005-08-16T12:33:00.000-04:00

to the one that i luv... :o) hes 24 today!!!!

...signing off with a smile*

yesterday.today.tomorrow

2005-08-15T10:32:00.000-04:00

my turn!!

Ten years ago: Summer of 95! OH MAN WAS THAT A GREAT SUMMER. Although i got in a lot of trouble that summer, it was still fun! It was the summer in between 7th and 8th grade and I was at Mosholou Montefiore's summer camp! And man what a great camp it was. Talk about fun! we went somewhere EVERYDAY, had a late night everyweek, and two weekend trips. I think i had my first kiss that summer... hahah... i met my Marcus there and big mouth Amanda B. We all wound up going to the same high school and have been kool ever sense!

Five years ago: Oh my god... it was the summer right before Pace U. and boy was I excited!!!!
I could not wait to get out of my house, away from my father actually. It was time to go!!!! I was ready to meet new people and just enjoy the college life. Although i hated Pace while i was there, i appreciate my experience and all the memories that it has given me! Not to mention the great people/ mentors i had there, who are now fellow blogettes. (CC and Cymple)

One year ago: These damn years are going by so fast... Last year I graduated from Pace U. and at this time last year.... to the day (yesterday) I met my K.J.C... :o). It was a rough summer for me though... i graduated. ready to see the world.. scared as hell and mad as hell that my mom was selling the very house that i grew up and that i had to move in with my "aunt" in Throggs neck... i was devistated. I couldnt leave... it got so bad that my mom had to literally put me out. I was sulking around my house one day when my uncle from Connecticut pulled up with a U-haul... i was like what the hell are u doing here...? He was like.. " I came to get ure furniture... ure mom said i could have it" i was like wow! OH MY GOD... please believe i slept on the floor for 3 damn weeks after that cuz i still didnt want to leave. Fuh-niture or no fuh-niture.. i wasnt ready... and i wasnt going without a fight! LOL

Yesterday: Broke night from saturdays lil shindig and took my braids out on Stephanies newly carpeted living room floor! Happpy to be nappy once again... not really... im this close to getting a perm! THIS DAMN CLOSE!!!! But thats another blog for another day... ill post a pic of my LUDA afro...

Today: Doing work as usual.. have tons of errands to run, staff meeting at 7 pm... and meeting with Obbie to discuss the next step in The Ovington Prophete Agency!

Tomorrow: Work during the day and my consultant job at night! Isnt this great!

...signing off with a smile*

R.I.P

2005-08-10T19:11:00.000-04:00

Please forgive me... im 2 days late...

i just happened to go on howard university's website today to check out some information on homecoming, only to find out that John Johnson, founder of the largest african american publications company died... i love ebony magazine... so its only right that we take a moment out of our day and say a prayer for his family... "let us bow our heads"... (:o).

John Johnson

Monday ramblings

2005-08-08T11:20:00.000-04:00

~* Didn’t I tell you that Schmoe was going to resurface. So predictable. Such a man. Nothing special though.. he hit me with the usual “ Hey Beautiful”. Blah blah blah… moving right a long.

~* So to increase my income I will be doing consulting work on top of all the other stuff that I do! I should be out of this house in no time... (IF I stay out of the stores)

~* I would really like to go to VA before the end of the summer to see my momma and to get some good food!

~* I have nothing to say about K.J.C right now. Still love him…

~* Im supposed to be going to Chicago for some Hip Hop Journalism something in September. Gotta love those “Business trips”. But we shall see…

~* I have a fan!!! One of my old roomies from school said my blog cracks her up and gives her something to read! Glad I could help K!!!!

~* Hey NIK NAKK!!!! When you driving Miss. Independence up north????

~* Does anyone know anything about the NYC Bloggers meet-up? Sass and I would like to attend… Where do we sign up??? :o)

~* Cass could you send me some real Italian food overnight express? All you have to do is freeze it and pack it in some ice and…

~* Even after all of the bullshit she has put me through why do I feel bad about my “wedding” post?

~* No I don’t… nevermind!

~* Happy Monday :o) !!!

...signing off with a smile*

Morning ramblings...

2005-08-01T09:26:00.000-04:00

~* ok so on my way to work this morning, my handy dandy dell-pod was entertaining me with some smooth old school tunes. everything from Mary's " My life" album to classic 112... man i was relaxed... cool calm and colllecctedd... then... as i walk into the building to begin my day... young bucks "Shorty wanna ride with me" comes on. so u know i walked in the office with the CRUNK! face on... make em' say UNNNHHHHH. lol. gotta luv that damn random play setting... :o)

~* i think today is his first day of med school. i hope hes ok! good luck! :o)

~* i was thinking about my fam members this morning. i need to send the elders some "Just because" or "thinking of you "cards. i know they are talking about me...lol... im sorryyyy!!! ill call.. i promise... but in the meantime gotta get some cards...

~* one of my friends from school is moving to the BRONX!!!! hollaaaa.... my other school friends and I are so excited. shes fun to be around. although im excited as hell.. im also a lil' uneasy...

~* i love my friends from home. we've got Sass, Steph, Rose... hmmm i think thats about it... wait, cant forget the reserves that i like to call when its time to go... KpMcCoy and Tasha... but my immediate friends are the three stated previously. im one to try to get all of my friends together so we can be one big happy gi.rl friend(s) group.. but in reality... that can NOT happen. toooo much estrogen. someone is not going to like someone's tone, attitude.. blah blah blah.. u know how that shit goes... thats why im a lil' weary... i love my pace fam... amboogie... lil one' and bi bi... but i think id feel guilty chilling with them on certain occasions and not my home friends. im BIG on LOYALTY and FRIENDSHIP. my friends know that if u got me, im ure friend for LIFE... cant get rid of me (that can be a bad thing lol) thats why im so confused. id love for all of us to be friends... to expand everyone's friend group... but is that possible? what to do, what to do... help me out Sass...

~* i love him... no doubt about it... but i think i feel it happening... ever get that feeling... u want someone (thing) so bad, u get it... and then... its like, now what? and then u dont want it anymore...? i do that alllll the time... ESPECIALLYYYY with guys...no no no, im not saying i dont want K.J.C, please believe i do... but something is happening... i think about our situation allll the time, and i think that im becomming more and more in tune with realism as days go by... im going to marry him (and you are allll invited) ... but in the meantime i have to do me right? doing me IS NOT synonymous with doing OTHERS... just means that i can not continue to live in this fantasy world... we will be together one of these days.. but until then...

~* i have no idea what happened to schmoe... lol... but i trust that he will pop up again sometime this week...

~* so i was attacked by a former PACE U. football player that i had my eyes on since my first days there! yeah.. we saw each other one night and it was OVER! i would LOVEEE to get into details... but CANT!!! LOL.. just know that i was damn near molested.... and loved everyyyyy minute of it!

~* like my P.I.C, im LOVING the blog community! its so much fun... dont ever wanna leave!

~* on the train this morning, i was sitting in front of this lil' girl and her momma. the girl could not have been any more then 8 years old but she had the HAIRIEST legs i've ever seen in my life. granted... she had a lot of hair on her head but she MUST have some over-active glands or too much of SOMETHING in her system to have her looking like a warewolf at 8! Nair does wonders baby... if u cant stand the smell try VEET!

~* i wish i could look into the future...

~* am i the only one that saw RIZE? give me back my money please!

~* Sassss.. we never saw the "Traveling pants of the ya ya sisterhood " movie !

~* i miss my mommy... :'o(

...signing off with a smile*

Welcome my personal Dr.

2005-07-31T12:56:00.000-04:00

Hey Blog world and Fam of mine, check out my friends new blog. Lets great him with a hearty WELCOMEEEE!!!

Victor_ioudMD

...signing off with a smile*

HI

2005-07-29T13:53:00.000-04:00

I guess you can see that i am in a much better mood. Nothing great has happened but im out of my rut! Thats me at work:

Me with the CRUNK FACE! DONT GET IT TWISTED!!!!

and my Pocahontas face!... what??!!?? u dont think i look like Poci? Its ok.. neither does Sassy!

...signing off with a smile*

The adventures of...

2005-07-29T12:09:00.000-04:00

Muhammad and Deeptat,

Babatunde and Ayodiji,
Lamar and Travis,
Shameek and Dequan (LMAO)
Ezekial and Hezekiah,
Jebediah and Soloman,

Stewart and Harley,

Gregory and Marcus,

Elvin and Roy!!!!!

also known as : Missbhavin and Sasssssyyyass! We are fools. Fools i tell u. I dont know how it started, or when it will end, but Sassy and I have a funny game we play. She will call/ IM/email/ or text me and say :

Sass: Ya there Howard?

Me: Yeah Herman, Im here!

and we do this atleast 3 times a day! Its funny. we crack each other the hell up with the dumb ass names we come up. Last night, we were trying to figure out why we dont call each other by girl names... maybe cuz it wouldnt be as funny! We were thinking of making up a blog to paste our daily conversations, cuz i swear we say some F.UNN.YYYY shit! Here is a lil snippet of our dumb convos:

Sass: shouldnt u be in bed tyrone?

Me: yeah Jamal but

Me: im up

Me: shooting the shit

Sass: well harpo, u need to go to sleep
Sass: no sense in being tired and hongree omorrow

Me: well phinneaus... im always hongree

Me: omorrow?

Me: lmao

Im reading this cracking the hell up! Heres another snippet:

Sass: oprahs friend gayle looks like a drag queen on the crusades

Me: hell yeah

Me: she looks like BRAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGA UGGIUGIUGu

Sass: lmao lmao lmao

Sass: what is wrong with u

Sass: lmao

Sass: lmao
Me: save this convo send it to me. time for bed!

Sass: ok latrell

Me: LMAOOOOOOOOO

Me: nite Malik

... can someone tell me why this is spaced the hell out!
...signing off with a smile*

My handy dandy...

2005-07-29T10:32:00.000-04:00

DELL-POD!!!! i love this thing. it and i have become ONE! its like my damn cell-phone. cant leave home without it and if i do... im damned for the day! this morning my handy dandy dell-pod took me down memory lane. i love setting it on random play so i can be surprised when i hear a tune that i havent heard in awhile. let me take you down the road i traveled this mo'nin.

Musiq Soulchild:
Song: Love
Did anyone know that the original title of this song was " Lord"? Yup... sure was. But Def Soul advised him to tred lightly on the religious realm. Im sure they had no intentions on putting out a "gospel" if you will, artist. But hey, it was a hit anyway! hearing that song reminded me of sophomore year at Pace U. those were some good/ bad/ trying times man! Has anyone ever heard his song " Aimewitue"? THAT SONG IS BEAUTIFUL! My husband is going to dedicate that to me. ( Someone drop the bug in K.J.C's ear)

Hi Five:
Song: Unconditional Love
OHHHH SHYT! When i heard this i was like wow! I didnt even remember i had this on my comp nonetheless my dell-pod! This was the JAM!! HI Five was one of the ORIGINALLLL boy groups! I wonder where they are now...

Tweet:
Song: Smoking Cigarettes/ Beautiful
This song made ME wanna puff on a cancer stick! But Beautiful?... thats another song that my hubby is going to dedicate to me (K.J.C).

My eyes aint never seen,

someone so beautiful

so much class, so much joy

you're the first thought of each day

Cant say much about her new album but dammit, vintage Tweet was the shit! Drunk is a great song too.

Lauryn Hill:
Song: The Sweetest Thing
I have no clue what to say! Lord knowss im a HUGE L-boogie fan! hearing this song damn near brought tears to MINE EYES! The Love Jones album was a classic but this song right HERE, was a masterpiece.

H-Town:
Song: Part Time Lover
Im telling you, the 90's were some good times. I will always be into entertainment, especially music of most genres, but the state of music today is very questionable compared to the 90's. Although H-Town wasnt one of the biggest groups in the world, they still had some jams! *sigh* man i miss the 90's.

...signing off with a smile*

Girlfriends...

2005-07-27T13:39:00.000-04:00

I LOVE this show! It cracks me the hell up! Not only do I appreciate this show for its comic relief, but I look to it for its inspiration. What inspiration you ask? Well... despite the personal characteristics of some of the characters, i.e: Toni: Gold digger, Lynn: Genius freeloader, I love watching the show in hopes that one day my gi.rl friends and I will too live life like these women. All in the 30-ish age group, and succesful, fun loving, minority women, who almost never (except Lynn) compromise themselves for anything or anyone.

I know my early years in this game called Life are going to be a struggle, and I am going to have plenty of days/ weeks where I just dont want to go on anymore, but it will pay off.. i know it will! Ive come to far in life to go back now right? So when the smoke clears, and the crew and I have paid our dues, it will be sweet. Sweeter then honey. Like Joe said:

Imma ball till I fall now that I see that I can reach for a dream and pull it from the sky,sweeter then sugar is what life will be... if left up to me.

...signing off with a smile*

Is it possible...

2005-07-25T15:14:00.000-04:00

could it be? im not sure but i havent much to say. The last two weeks have been some trying weeks, and i had many things that i could have blogged about but could not muster up enough energy to do so. so yes, it is possible. i have nothing to say right now. i have to get my mind right because right now, it is alllll wrong. some words of encouragement are needed right now. somebody pray for me...

...signing off with a smile*

the most beautiful...

2005-07-14T23:28:00.000-04:00

ok. so im bored as hell, annoyed, hungry but refuse to eat, so what do i do? read blogs! i swear... i came across the MOST BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN blog, story, whatever u want to call it, ive ever read in my life. reading this almost made me sick. sick because of him. i think about him alllll the time. its disgusting. ive never felt like this before about ANYONE. the "heartbrkr" didnt/doesnt do relationships... blah blah blah... whatever... im so gone...

BELOVED: YOU ARE THE S**T!

...signing off with a smile*

Back to damn reality...

2005-07-14T22:08:00.000-04:00

i knew it wouldnt last forever. that feeling of being "content", satisfied with life's doings. dammit. no more cloud 9 for me. back to reality! shes a b*&*h i tell ya. always waiting with open arms. whats my issue? life... no no, k.j.c is fine, and schmoe has re-surfaced. im just bored, figgetty i guess you could say. stagnent. not moving. im that stagnant water that will soon turn stale any day now. im not moving. just standing still. the frustration is slowly creeping up on me ready to WHOOPP my ass which in turn leads me to want to whoop someone else's. it always happens like this. i knew it was coming. cant sit on top of the world for too long. something is bound to happen and knock my happy ass off and bring me back down to reality. i hate it! but its only temporary right? things will pick up again and i will be right back where i belong, on top of the damn world! cuz that is where i belong. but for now i must endure this stooopid, ugly vicious cycle... mommy said there would be days like this...

...signing off with a smile*

Sweet Seduction

2005-07-12T23:37:00.000-04:00

Im still thinking about it. All I can do is reminisce. We do together. We? K.J.C and I. Yessss LORD. I saw him last week. The minute our eyes met it was like we never parted ways, like we never hated each other, like we didn’t live in separate states. Love was definitely in the air. Lets rewind back a lil bit’.

So on Wednesday June 29th my boss emailed me and asked me if I wanted to go with her on a Advertising and Marketing conference. Great! I thought. I love to travel. So I clicked the link that was in the email and where was the conference being held? Good ol’ Chicago! IM THERE. I was elated, excited, beyond excited. Mind you, I think I hated KJC at this time but knew that if we saw each other all hate would cease to exist. I didn’t call him to tell him though. Friday morning he calls after not having called in two weeks. He called to ask when I would be coming into town because I was supposed to be going to “The Taste of Chicago”. I told him Tuesday. He was uset but I had to remind him that had we spoken in those 2 weeks he would have known that. He then told me his phone was broken, ( I knew that) but still didn’t see why he couldn’t call me from home or work, but I digress. Anyhow, Tuesday rolls around. I get in about 11 am. 12:30, he’s in from of the hotel waiting for me in his Blue Impala. So you know me, I had to make sure my face was right, outfit was right, everything was perfect. I went downstairs and the rest is history. When I got in the car he looked at me smiled, ( I was on the phone with my mommy when I got in the car) and waited patiently for me to get off of the phone. So I did, and I looked at him. He looked at me and said “ Damn youre fine” I blushed like a lil’ ass girl. I love him! CRAZZZYYY!!! So we drove to Hyde pArk and all the while he wouldn’t look at me. He would glance, and look away. I didn’t say anything about it. I figured he was a lil nervous. NOT ME!! I was ready. Ready to rekindle that flame. We get to Hyde Park, sit and talk for a lil bit, and he moves in for the kill. YESSS!!! I forgot how soft his lips were but PLEASEEE BELIEVEEEE my memory was refreshed! :O) We get out and walk around the park for a bit, playing around like 2 high school kids. He loked at me a few times and said “Damn youre short” Hes 6’3”. Im 5’3”! Lol… But I guess he liked my small size because he picked me up and kissed me in broad daylight in front of tons of people. Shit, you know I didn’t care. He gave me a piggy back ride and all To make a long story, the 3 days I was there, we went to the beach, went to dinner at the Grand Luxe Café, did plenty of other fun stuff, it was great. I think seeing each other opened our eyes a lil bit and sealed what we originally said… we do want to be together… we are soul mates, unfortunately neither one of us is in the position to relocate. But you know what, im not going to harp on the fact that we cant be together ight now, im just going plan my next visit, or his and dream about the week of the 4th of July. Talk about BLISSSSS… complete heaven.

...signing off with a smile*

Big day update...

2005-07-12T18:36:00.000-04:00

So yesterday was the 11th. Yes it was. Did I reach my goal? No not yet. Can I tell you what was so special about the 11th? No I can not! You will have to wait a few more weeks. Hey, im sorry. What?? I suck? OK fine, but maybe this will make you feel better… you will know as soon as I know. Lol :O)

...signing off with a smile*

Big Day...

2005-07-10T23:57:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is JULY 11th. The big day! Im sure you are like "What the hell is going on" but I will gladly tell you AFTER i know for a fact what the outcome is. Stay tuned... oh yeah... that story is coming too... lets just say I went on a buiness trip to Chicago last week! :o)

...signing off with a smile*

Hmm...

2005-07-08T12:35:00.000-04:00

I've got a story to tell but no energy to tell it at this very moment. Please stay tuned!

...signing off with a smile*

Today's thoughts...

2005-06-30T09:00:00.000-04:00

the day has just begun and already i have a million and one things running through this mind of mine.
BIG DAY: JULY 11th @ 3 pm... mark ure calendars... im not telling whats happening at this very moment but please stay tuned. its a big day for me... BIG DAY!!!

SCHMOE: for someone that doesnt do a lot of thinking, im doing a lot of thinking. there are a few things about schmoe that i wonder about. but then again, id wonder these things with any other guy. for instance... who else is he talking too at the moment? granted... ive told myself to continue to do me and not think about a relationship right now but i cant help but wonder. its natural right? or am i bugging? its only been two weeks... maybe i should relax. yeah... i think that is what i will do... relax. :o)

K.J.C: unfortunately, i CAN NOT relax when it comes to this one. on my way to work this morning i couldnt help but think of him. actually, i thought about him last night, i thought about him so hard that i called him. he still has no phone. he lost it, or atleast thats what his voicemail says. but im no fool. he has two cell phones, a house phone, AND a work phone. so why hasnt he called me back? i have no clue. im sure his excuse will be "work, work and...". but a fool i AM NOT. i dont mind if hes doing him, having fun, hell... im doing the same... but all i need is a phone call. last night, i concluded that the next time we speak... im just going to close the book.. for the moment. like ive said in previous posts, it will not, and can not be anything right now given our situation (me in NYC, him in Chicago) but still... i think i need closure... whatever!!!

LIFE: this morning i was listening to my wonderful dell-pod (its called a DJ) and destiny's child survivor came on... man listen.... that song opens up a wound that is taking forever to heal. everyone has their lil' issues, and/or life occurances that have affected them (or still does) in some way, and everyone has their own release/ therapy. music is undoubtedbly my therapy. its my medicine, and SURVIVOR was and is definately my pill of choice when thinking about this situation. the words in that song are my words. i swear those are the thoughts and feelings that i have for a certain person that is no longer in my life. i do apologize for being so vague but please believe that the blog world is not ready for that story and i am truly not in the "Mr. Rogers neighborhood" mindframe. i know everyone is familiar with the song, but read the words... i know it like the back of my hand, but when i sit back and think about life, i like to revisit this song... it was my therapy then, and its my therapy now...

Now that you're out of my life
I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without you
But I'm stronger
You thought that I'd be broke without you
But I'm richer
You thought that I'd be sad without you
I laugh harder
You thought I wouldn't grow without you
Now I'm wiser
Though that I'd be helpless without you
But I'm smarter
You thought that I'd be stressed without you
But I'm chillin
You thought I wouldn't sell without you

Sold 9 million ( doesnt apply to me but u get the point)

Thought I couldn't breathe without
I'm inhaling
You thought I couldn't see without you
Perfect vision
You thought I couldn't last without you
But I'm lasting
You thought that I would die without you
But I'm living
Thought that I would fail without you
But I'm on top
Thought it would be over by now
But it won't stop
Thought that I would self destruct
But I'm still here
Even in my years to come
I'm still gon be here

After all of the darkness and sadness
Soon comes happiness
If I surround myself with positive things
I'll gain prosperity

... aint that the truth!

...signing off with a smile*

HAPPPYYY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

2005-06-29T08:46:00.000-04:00

not that she will ever read this but... i just wanted the world to know that today is my mommy's bday. on this day, JUNE 29th, some 56 years ago, the most beautiful woman in the world was born (she also gave birth to two of the most beautiful women to roam the earth!). the greatest mother in the world if u will...forget being a daddy's girl, im truly a momma's girl! i wonder what her hubby has planned for her today.

on another note. PLEASE BELIEVE its time to start cutting them off. THEM meaning those people that serve no purpose in life... i mean ure life... other then to piss you the f*&^ off and make you want to strangle them. ive had it with a certain associate. shes so inconsistent, full of s*&^ and just trying my soul at the very moment. so, in order to preserve my relatively good spirit, im going to add her to the list. what list? the "please do not talk to me unless you are ready to die" list. my list isnt that long, hell!... she's the only one on it...*shaking my head*.

last night... i saw HIM...yes yes yes. "schmoe" came to the rescue and damn... was the chemistry there or what? there was so much chemistry that our protons, electrons and neutrons were ready to engage in some ionic compound that i soooo can not describe. LMAO. crazy. i was standing outside of glo on W.16th street, not even trying to get into the draft after party because i was soooo smitten and engaged in conversation with schmoe. man... it wasnt even conversation, it was straight lusting, flirting, staring in each others eyes, at each others lips, eyes roaming across bodies type s*&^. i was sooo withdrawn from the club that i barely noticed the 6'7 draft picks coming out of stretch limos entering the club ( i said barely, but please understand that i DID notice). schmoe is sexi. he is a lil' shorter then my standard but he has a lot that is making up for where he lacks. as for now, im going to continue to float on cloud 9. please please please dont interrupt...

...signing off with a smile*

Lets call him Schmoe...

2005-06-28T12:04:00.000-04:00

this is how i feel right now. its crazy. its only been 2 weeks but he already has me smiling like a damn fool. he calls me and greets with me a "Good morning beautiful" or "hello gorgeous". who does that?????? him... he does! and i love it. im smitten. but at the same time, confused. i miss K.J.C, my long distance love. but i know, and he knows nothing can be right now. right? yup! well dammit... "schmoe" to the rescue! and he for damn sure is making it a fun rescue! lets see how long this one lasts. lets hope he can make it through the summer!

...signing off with a smile*

Stolen... my version

2005-06-24T12:35:00.000-04:00

I borrowed this from my P.I.C... have no clue where she got it from but here goes my version:

i am not: a reflection of the exterior that i may put up
i hurt: when i think of aspects of my childhood
i love: my momma
i hate: being bored
i hope: i can live up to my mommy's expectations
i hear: everything
i crave: loveeeee, and a happy life
i regret: NOTHING!
i cry: rarely
i care: about my friends and their lives as much as my own
i always: dream big
i long to: be successful
i feel alone: never
i listen: to everything
i miss: my house on Wilder Ave, school AKA the wonder years
i learn: to live with the happenings of my life
i feel: content
i know: i will leave my mark on the world
i say: the first thing that comes to my mind
i fail: to understand why certain things happen in life
i sleep: like my bed is made of clouds
i wonder: if he thinks about me
i can: do anything i put my mind 2
i give: my all , sometimes too much
i need: to stay focused
i am: myself! and i love it
i think: i dont think enough
i can't help the fact that: im silly
i live: my life like its GOLDEN!!!!!

...signing off with a smile*

Uncertainty...

2005-06-24T08:57:00.000-04:00

As wierd as this may sound... i welcome "uncertain.ty" at times, in certain situations... lol. does that make sense? sounds a little redundant to me. Let me explain... last night my P.I.C and i were running the streets as usual and decided to go see her new "friend", who just happened to be someone that i went to high school with. to make a long story short, although it was a good, hell, GREAT visit if i must say so myself, the night ended with a feeling of "doubt" on her part. i can understand her feelings and at the same time i cant because of different situations that we are in, or... situations that i am NOT in... anyhow... i was thinking... in instances like this... when it comes to an interest of the opposite sex, i welcome a little anticipation, excitement of whats to come, a little uncertainty of where the situation may lead. follow me? its a funny feeling but i like it. i dont think my P.I.C welcomes it as much as i do but im sure she will relax soon, hell... i HOPE she relaxes soon. its a good situation for her, hes a good guy (as far as i can see). but as for me, i like the idea and feelings associated with getting to know someone, i almost forgot... im actually getting to KNOW someone right now... but thats for a later post. but i do know one thing... im certain that i welcome uncertainty! LOL

...signing off with a smile*

BOOOO

2005-06-23T11:45:00.000-04:00

Ok so the San Antonio Spurs take the NBA Finals this year. Im not a happy camper. Actually... i could care less but i was really rooting for the Pistons. They gave it a good run this year DEFINATELY. BUTTTT now that Phil Jackson is back in action, the LAKERS WILL prevail victorious next year. PLEASE BELIEVE!!!!!

...signing off with a smile*

Guess whoooss BIZACCKKK.... Pt 2

2005-06-16T23:28:00.000-04:00

Ok... I think i caught "bullshit" on an off day cuz' when I snuck back in she wasnt around! Im sure she will be back soon but im here, happy, and ready to start my 23rd year of life!!!! CRAZZYYY. I cant believe it. I think 23 is such a grown and sexi number, and hell... GROWN AND SEXI IS WHAT I BEEE!!! Im feeling good. Very good. I got a few new additions to myself. Two weeks ago my P.I.C and I went out and got tattoos. I wanted a MEANINGFUL symbol on my lower back for awhile so I finally got one. MY PIC got a flower ensemble and a heart on her back... so i said hey... why not get a heart too? It was cute ANNNNDDD free! My tattoo artist likes me. So i got two for the price of one. Cant beat that!That makes 4 tattoos on my body in total. That seems like a lot but they are ALL hidden EXCEPT for the one on my wrist. How much can i hide that one? Anyhow, i dont quite feel like giving a week in review (Mike ANDDDD PHIL Jackson), nor do i feel like writing all of my updates at the moment. I just wanted to resurface! Now let me enjoy the last 32 minutes of my 22nd year on earth!!! :o)

...signing off with a smile*

Gone

2005-06-01T15:55:00.000-04:00

Too much is going on right now. I think im going to go into hiding for a bit! So please do not be upset if i do not return phone calls or emails or anything else. Im detaching myself from the world and all of its stupidity and stupid people for a few. I know the bullshit will be waiting with open arms for me when I return but for now, I must depart...

...signing off with a smile*

The countdown...

2005-05-24T19:05:00.000-04:00

Begins! Should have begun last week but I completely forgot about my bday. LOl can you believe that?

24 days until my 23rd birthday!!!

...signing off with a smile*

PLAYOFFS

2005-05-22T20:54:00.000-04:00

Ok so... i have been forced to watch the 05 playoffs eventhough my T.E.A.M did not make it this year. So who is it going to be? In the West I say:

In the East... hmmm thats a tough one.
... has powerhouse Shaq and his cheerleader, D. Wade. I can not lie, they do make a dynamic duo. I used to think that Shaq and Penny were going to be a powerhouse in the east but that was waaayyyy back when.

... has tenacity, drive and are a bunch of BEASTSSSS!!!! I am definately going to watch this matchup. Should be a good one... they aint no Lakers though... (spoken like a true fan)

...signing off with a smile*

BeAuTiLiCiOus....

2005-05-22T20:34:00.000-04:00

I love this book! "Beautilicious, The black Girls Guide to the Fabolous Life" is great reading. Not that anyone has to tell US how to be fabolous, no not at all, but it is rather nice to read words and tips from another BEAU.TI.LICIOU.S diva! Anyhow, I got the idea for a "Look book" from the "Super Fly" chapter of this fabolous guide. I have tons of magazines that I refuse to do away with because there are some outfits, makeup tips and/or items in it that I'd like to try. So instead of looking at the piles of 03, 04, and more recent magazines, im going to go through them one by one to make up my look book! Tons of fun ahead!

...signing off with a smile*

Summer Itinerary

2005-05-21T11:14:00.000-04:00

By the time my friends and I sit down and figure out what the hell we'd like to do this summer, we will be planning for NEXT summer. Its about to be JUNE! Id let to get the ball rolling. There are things to do, fun to be had! I already have a few trips planned for work (www.allhiphop.com) but id like to chill with my girls as well. I made my "list" and here are a few things that I would like to do:

1. Take one of my mother's timeshares anywhere!
2. Girls weekend in the PO.CO.NOS
3. A few girls night out dinner dates
4. A trip to Great adventures (not for the rides so much but just to chill)
5. Spa SUNDAYSSS PART Duex
6. Cameos cruise! (HAAHAAA STRIPPERS)
7. Steph and Tola BBQ

I dont remember what else I was thinking of doing but if anyone has any suggestions, HOLLA AT ME!!!! SUMMER 05 IM READY!!!

...signing off with a smile*

Beautiful....

2005-05-19T08:13:00.000-04:00

...is definately what Naima is. YAYYYY. I think I am her biggest fan. From episode I knew that mohawk wearing chick had something special going on. I LOVE HERRRRRR!!!! I think I love her a lil more then I love Eva. Im happy to see that people of color are winning. She can definately represent for something other then the African American chick, or white chick(s) <---(u should see that movie). Never did you see or hear Naima talking smack about another contestant, UNLIKE JAWSSSS (a.k.a KEENYAH). It was so disappointing to me towards the end when Keenyah's "confidence" ran wild. She was TOOOOO cocky for me. Forget the fact that she had jaws for days, I didnt see her as something that screamed ANTM... did you? I think it was her personality that turned me off. You know I was happy when they sent her behind packing. My PIC thinks im "hating" on the Compton chick. Call it what you want. LOl... Kahlen on the other hand... she was cute. Her pics were great I thought, but I liked Naima waayyy more.

BRITTNAY

had the best damn personality on the show. I loved her spunk!!! My kinda gyal!!! EVenthough i didnt feel like the chicks on this season were up to par or were RAVING beauties, im glad the Naima won!!! Bring on the next round of America's Next Top Model wannabees.

...signing off with a smile*

Update

2005-05-13T10:41:00.000-04:00

I do apologize for my absense, but like G. Cornelius I think I may need a body double. This week and the previous has been CR.A.ZY! Working at Trace is kool. Its different from the structure that I am used to but I am liking it so far. They threw me right into work which is what I like. I hate when poeple try to "train" you and show you the ropes and blah blah blah. The best teacher is watching others and doing it yourself. As for other aspects in my world, keep reading:

OPPORTUNITIES:

... have been coming my way faster then a speedball. What do I do? Duck? Run? Or tryy to hit as many as I can? Yesterday I had two interviews that went damn well. Today I have FOUR interviews. Yup. FOUR. One at 1, 2, 5:45 and 7. Isnt that crazy? I was a lil' overwhelemed last night when I sat and thought about all of the opportunites that i have been given, but then i came back to reality and realized that i would be a basketcase if i were stagnant and had nothing. So instead of complaining about the things that i have to do, ill just smile and do what needs to be done because just like He giveth, he can taketh away.

I MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN:

... who the F&** i was and where the hell I was from. Lately i have been stressing out about my long distance love and his ability to be inconsiderate. Believe, i know what it is to be busy. Trust, i do not sit at home with my thumb stuck in my ass waiting for him to call, but when one uses the " I have a lot of shit to do" excuse, it pisses me the hell off. Its been a rough week, but i came to teh conclusion that I am done riding this emotional rollercoaster. It was fun but the ride is over. I had a lot to say this fool last night and must admit that i waited for him to call so that i could give him a piece of my noggin, needless too say, he didnt call, so this morning i wrote him off. I cut him off "at the knees" as my PIC would say. I cant be bothered. Im a grown ass woman (sometimes) and can NOT be bothered with his BOYISH IMMATURE WAYS. I know i will find someone better because I AM a diamond in the rough, i AM THAT DAMN FLY and have a great head n mys houlders. He should be lucky if he finds a chick that is HALF as precious as me. On that note, im done typing about K.J.C. Hes not worth my hand movements. NEXT...

MOMMY:

... my favorite person in teh world will be here on Sunday. I can finally give her the mothrs day Gift I bought her. Hope she likes it. Knowing my momma, she will love it. She appreciates everything. I went to hell and back trying to figure out what to buy the woman who has everything. I was stuck between a rock and thatt damn hard place, but i decided to get her a pill box from the Tiffany's 1897 collection. Take a look see:

That is all for now. This weekend I am going to sit down with my friends and come up with our summer ITINERARY! I dont know why but I feel like this summer is going to be one to remember!

...signing off with a smile*

Denial...

2005-04-30T00:36:00.000-04:00

...is what I have been in. I thought that if I woke up it would all be a dream but no. Its real. The truth. REALITY! For the first time since 1994... my favorite team in the NBA will NOT be in the playoffs! AInt that some ish*. I have no reason to watch now. None at all. I knew it was a don deal before the end of the regular season... but i didnt want to admit it. HELL!!! I knew the Los Angeles LAKERS wouldnt be going anywhere once Shaq left. DAMN YOU SHAQUILLLEEEE!! DAMN YOU KOBEEEE!! (Please note, I AM THE BIGGEST LAKERS FAN IN THE STATE OF NY!!!!). Kobe messed up big time. I was reading Phil Jackson's book , Mindgames, and he said that he would not go back to the lakers if Kobe was still on the team. He was THE hardest player he has ever coached. I guess Kobe knew it all! He should have been the damn coach. See what you did Mr. Bryant! You turned off THE BEST COACH to ever coach in the NBA and one the best damn centers to ever play the game...Jeez. Jackson also went on to talk about Kobe actions following Colorado, the chemistry, or lack there of between Kobe and Shaq, his decision to retire, and what I like to call "The End of Lakers Legacy (see for yourself). But, now that I have faced the facts, I THINK i am ready to move on... Hopefully next year will be a better year. We need a good damn draft pick! Until then... bring on the WNBA!!! *hmph* LIBERTY SEASON OPENER SUNDAY MAY 22nd!

...signing off with a smile*

Interviews...

2005-04-29T17:28:00.000-04:00

so i had two interviews today. one with Trace Magazine for an advertising/marketing event planner position, and the other with allhiphop.com for i guess an assistant position to the vp of marketing. they both went well. i'll know for sure what the outcome is next week. ill keep you posted *smile G.C.H*

..signing off with a smile*

Mommy...

2005-04-28T22:47:00.000-04:00

I think I may have the best mother in the world. When I think of some of the things ive done, and how ive acted in the past it makes me sad. Yes, I kind of had the only child syndrome so I was a bit spoiled, but that is no excuse for the way that I acted at times. I say this because today during one of our many daily conversations, I told my mom about my money situation and how I was almost done paying off my credit card bills that I had accumulated while in college. I guess she saw that I was making an effort to clean up my "not so good" credit (Keish explains the importance of good credit: READ THIS!) and offered to pay off my last big bill if i paid her back monthly. I was so happy she offered. I wouldnt dare ask her to pay it because I did it to myself AND because she paid my college student loans IN FULL (lets just say they added up to more then what a lot of people make in one year... DAMN PACE UNIVERSITY). But my mom is the best. I just had to sit back and think about a few things that she has done for me. Just because she didnt do exactly what I asked of her doesnt mean she didnt do for me. For example, when I bought my first car (good ol' Brent, 1997 Altima) i begged her to put me under her insurance but she said no and man was i was pi.sse.d. but she did put me on her triple AAA and got me full triple mileage or whatever it is called. Thats just one of many instances but atleast now I recognize what my mom has done for me. Better late then never... right?

...signing off with a smile*

Decisions...

2005-04-28T08:38:00.000-04:00

Life is full of 'em

Everything that happens to you is a result of a decision. Not necessarily one that you made, but a decision just the same. Right now I am embarking on a semi- big decision in my life. Its not life threatening or anything but it will begin my next phase in life. I look at my life in stages. Last year was graduation from undergrad and me having to deal with moving from my home of 22 years. It was a sad summer. I was happy about graduating from good ol' Pace University, but devistated about leaving my humble abode. My mom retired and moved back to VA, so I moved in with my aunt in Throggs Neck. Now im ready to move out on my own, (I think). Its about that time... I say that to say this... im going to have to make decisions on my own from now on. I was having a hard time grasping the concept of "decision making" but I think I got. Im going to make decisions, what I think are the right ones, they may not be, but if not ill make another, and another and another until I am blue in the face. Why not? I have to live with the results of my decisions be it good or bad... so here goes nothing...

...to be continued*

Carrsville...

2005-04-22T11:50:00.000-04:00

...is the lil ass hick town my momma lives in. We got in around 9 am and damn... i forgot how far behind gods back she lives! LAWD!!! This aint noooo joke! Its about 6 miles off the main damn road! What the hell... if they are ever in need of help back here... shhiieeettt... anyway. The drive down here was so comical. I knew it would be fun (in between my cat naps). First off, my Aunt Eileen (my fav aunt in the world) is hilarious. We drove in her big Park Avenue (Barry is his name). Since I have my liscense as well, I figured we would split the drive. HA! No sir ree*. No driving Barry for me. OK fine... ( didnt wanna drive that big ass living room on wheels anyway!) My aunt has hot flashes so she had to turn the "air" on. MANNN it was cold as hell in that damn car. Thank god for blankets. Ok fine. I changed her radio station because although I love oldies (but goodies) I was not trying to hear lullabies on our 8 hour drive to CARRSVILLE VA, (dont bother looking it up, shit so damn small its not on the map or mapquest!) She let me listen to a few songs and then changed the damn station... Lol.. I was like hmph... this is a no win situation huh? Trying to freeze my ass, wont let me drive, and wont let me listen to some new tunes. So... I took my ass to sleep! Here she come talking about "Wake your young ass up... you said you could stay up the whole ride!" I sure did, PROVIDED I had a few things to keep me up.. like some damn music! Gotta love the family road trips! I forgot to mention that my other aunt, actually my great aunt Clara Lee, was knocked out as soon as she got in the car! God bless her heart! :)

So we roll up to the crib, (lovely crib, lovely lovely) and I was just happy to see my momma (like i didnt see her last week) and relax in her huge yard with the rabbits. (Ill post pics later). Im being a lil anti-social right now and I think... *sniff sniff* aww shyt... i think I smell collards... :)

...signing off with a smile*

ROAD TRIP!!!

2005-04-21T22:22:00.000-04:00

So, by 12 am I should be on the road. To where you might ask... VAAAA! My homestate (actually my momma's homestate but mine just the same). One of my cousin's is getting married on Saturday so I guess you can call it a mini Bates family reunion. Cant wait... tell you more when I get to sunny Virginia.

...signing off with a smile*

Yeah so...

2005-04-20T17:44:00.000-04:00

It feels kind of wierd not having to get up at 6 to go to work. BUT I have been doing work for two Marketing companies. Check out www.powermovesinc.com and www.movementmarketing.com. Although I wont have the secure salary that I had while at Columbia University, I will have peace of mind, AND will finally be able to enjoy what im doing! I love being able to come and go as I please and work at my own pace, but I DO KNOW, if I dont work, I dont get paid! But im kool... im happy... im content... im free! :)

* Now J. Walker PR can come into form! WATCH OUT LIZZIE GRUBMAN AND MARVETTE BRITTO AND SUSSSAAANNN BLONDD! HERE I COMEEEEE!

...signing off with a smile*

Frreee....

2005-04-15T09:35:00.000-04:00

I will go into detail later but just know...

aint no feeling like being free
im like an ea.gle set free
FINALLY im looking out for me..

Since graduating and being inducted into the "Real World" society, I have learned that things happen for a reason. You should definatly live for yourself and make decisions for yourself, because only you will have to live with the results... with that said I can spread my wings and prepare to fly!!!! :)

*singing*
...this is my newww beginninggsss
Gotta make some new decisionss...
no more time for hesitationssss....

...signing off with a smile*

Slow down...

2005-04-14T16:30:00.000-04:00

So... three nights ago I went to the Bobby Valentino album listening party at Negrils. Can you say Q T PIEEE!!!! BUT... can you also say SHO.RT! Damn...

So... im sure all of you know who Bobby V is. His single is steadily climbing charts. Hes getting some serious airplay and is in heavy rotation on the West Coast and is definately making some noise now, here on the east side. Im sure you have noticed that he was the lead singer in the group Mista (think back to 96). Oh... no? You dont remember Mista? Let me refresh your memory...

*A-Hem* * clearing throat*

Blaaackkberryyy molllaassesss
one of the things that never changeeee
you gotta keep pushing onnn
the sun dont reign all the timee
there's gonna be some heartache and painnnn

* taking a bow*
Thank you thank you!

Anywho, the event was kool. I went and networked as usual. I did what I do like I was doing it for TV!!! In between my mingling and sipping (water) I was able to take a listen to some of the tracks on his album, and if I must say so myself, hes going to do well. First off, hes a cutie ( short. as. hell. but still a cutie) and hes associated with one of the most creative rappers and production teams in the music industry (Ludacris and Chaka Zulu). There is no way that he wont have serious sales his first week out, (well there is a way, but lets just hope that Def Jam's marketing deptartment is on their ish*).

Back to Mista for a moment:

Listening to Bobby V. inspired me to dig through my crates and find my old Mista CD. I loved listening to this CD as much as I did as a 14/15 year old. Im sure that if they had the right team behind them, and released another godo single, they would have a made a lil' more noise and might have been a bigger staple in people's memories. Oh well... but the album is good. I wouldnt say its one to search through amazon or ebay for, but if you can download a few tracks, that would be enough. Lol..

...signing off with a coke and a smile*

Have you ever...

2005-04-14T12:32:00.000-04:00

... loved someone so much that you would be willing to do just about ANYTHING for them?

... thought about relocating (across state lines) to be with your special someone?

... wanted to learn about their religion just so you could understand their views on certain things?

... considered practicing their religion so you two could be together without conflict?

... loved someone so much that you would spend your last dime just to see them for 5 whole minutes?

... loved so deeply that you thought he/she was one you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with AND bring lives into the world with?

... wanted to understand everything he/she was going through?

... wished you could take away their pain?

... cried at the thought of not being able to be with your special someone?

... smiled when your cell phone rings that special ringer that you allotted to his/ her name?

... not wanted to get off of the phone at 6 a.m. knowing damn well you two are dozing off, but stayed on just so you could hear him/ her breathe?

... felt like your special someone compliments you?

... felt like you have met your soulmate?

... went to sleep with him/ her on your mind and woke up with him/ her on your mind???

If you have... thats love! :)

I know its not Valentines day, not even close, but I just felt like rambling a lil' bit. Most people probably will never know the extent to which someone loves them or how strongly someone feels about them... until its a lil' too late...

Follow your heart but take your brain with you...

...signing off with a smile*

I almost forgot....

2005-04-11T11:39:00.000-04:00

that he who an.gers you CON.TROLS you...

...signing off with a smile!

YAY!!!

2005-04-10T22:30:00.000-04:00

I just remembered that my favorite person in the whole wide world would be here today! Thats right folks, my mommmaaaaaa is in town!! She is starting her new consultant job this week. She'll be in NYC one week out of the month for work. Gonna be good times having her around for a minute. Gotta luv the moms!

...signing off with a smile*

Bad business...

2005-04-10T12:39:00.000-04:00

Ok... so today is Sunday and you would think that it would be one of the most relaxing days of the week. But no, not for me! To top off a somewhat iffy weekend,I have been faced with a HUGE issue. First lets begin with Friday. No... how about Thursday.

Ok so for the past few weeks I have been keeping track of Faculty and staff cap and gown order forms for commencement (part of my job). We attached order forms to the last TWO paychecks and expected faculty to return them to the mailbox indicated on the sheet. OK fine. Done deal. I get the responses and begin to keep them in an excel sheet to keep track. About twice a week my boss asks me " How are we doing with the Faculty order forms?" my answer... " Everything is fine. When i get them I add them and keep the forms in a folder" her response " Ok good! Wonderful!" She would even smile at me and say "You are doing good kid!" Which is great. Everyone wants to hear that their boss is pleased with their work.

Fast forward to this past Thursday. My boss tells me that she wants to wrap up the list so that she can put the order in. Ok fine. So I stay late on thursday to make sure that everyone who's paper I have has been entered onto my excel spreadsheet, and HIGHLIGHTED. Those that did not respond were NOT highlighted. I dont leave until after 7 and DELIVER THE DAMN SPREADSHEET TO MY BOSS'S HOUSE!!!!!! UNAPPRECIATED DEDICATION!!! Friday morning I come in and my boss calls. Here's how the convo goes:

Me: Good morning, Omotola speaking.
Karen: Good morning Tola.
Me: Hi karen... how was the list? Was it ok?
Karen: It was wonderful. Thank you!

OK.. so that was the initial convo. At 3 p.m. she calls back frantic.

Me: Good AFTERNOON, Omotola speaking.
Karen: Hi Tola. Its Karen, Question for you. Are the people who's names are highlighted the ones that replied?
Me: Yes they are. And those that did not respond are not highlighted.
Karen: Ok this is not good. This is very bad. So only 120 out 250+ faculty members responded?
Me: (thinking to myself: Im guessing she just looked at the sheets AFTER she said they were PERFECT at 9 am) Yes those are all of the responses that I got.
Karen: Well you were supposed to follow up with the faculty that did not respond and find out why they hadnt with an email and calls...
Me: (Oh HELL NO!!!) Was I? I was not aware of that. YOu never told me that I was calling these poeple and emailing them. You told me that I was keeping TRACK of the responses and you would handle those that did not respond! (and I swear its the truth)
Karen: Well... I am not giving up another weekend. This is not good at all. I cant give up another weekend to do this.
Me: Ok do you want me to email those that did not respond?
Karen: No! Its Friday. And most of them do not know you anyway so chances they wont respond.
Me: (If you know that they would not respond to an email from me, why did you just say that I was supposed to follow up with them with an email?) OK... Do you want me to call those that did not respond?
Karen: Yes!!! Thats it! I want you to call EVERYONE that did not respond and tell them that I need their information by Monday 10 a.m.
Me: (Bitch! Are you serious) Ok will do.

By this time I am STEAMING! I was so upset. This was NOT the first time the ball was about to be dropped on an event and I was going to take the blame for it. The first time I was able to clear my name because of my emails! What the hell? What do I do now? Tape every damn convo that my boss and I have??? This is crazy. They didnt hire me to be the damn Event Coordinator, they hired me to be the f***ing scape goat! Needless to say, good ol' Marlena walks in and I explain what happened to her. She then says " Yeah... I dont remember Karen telling you to make calls and emails. Maybe she was thinking it" I should have known better then to tell this **$%$ anything. I walk out of the office to cool off and do some things. i come back and Marlena is on the phone with Karen running her damn mouth. I could tell that my presence changed the tone of the convo, because when I returned all you heard was " Uh huh... yes I know" from Marlena. Mind you, Marlena is NOT an uh huh, yes I know person. She runs her mouth like water from a broken faucet! So again, im annoyed. She gets off the phone and starts by saying

Marlena: "I dont think Karen is mad but she is upset that this happened. I dont think you understand the importance of this. We needs to know exact numbers for blah blah blah... "

I tuned her out.

Me: Marlena, I UNDERSTAND the importance of tracking and knowing exact figures. That is not why I am upset. I am upset because I am about to take the blame for something that I was not aware of. How was I to know that i was supposed to be following up with the faculty that did not respond if i was never told too? How was I supposed to know TO even ASK about these things IF I DIDNT KNOW THEY HAD TO BE DONE. It is very hard being new to a job, trying to make sure you do EVERYTHING the right way, and make sure you are doing what is asked, and then with situations like this, you have to worry about someone else dropping the ball and you getting blamed.

I had a lot to say!!!!!!! To make this rather LONGGG story short, the black scape goat was pissed! Actually, that is not even the end of it. I have been getting major headaches from light and I guess looking at the computer too much. Karen claims to be an advocate for good health and has been pressing me to make doctors appointments to go get my eyes checked. I sent her an email on friday tellng her that i made an appoint for Tuesday to get them done. She emails me back and says " I would appreciate it if you re-scheduled. Please confirm with me before making doctors appointments. " LOL OK... now she wants to act up. It wasnt an issue before. She is the one that insisted that I go to the doctor. Jeez... it never ends.

Here is the HUGE issue. I was asked to help with the publicity for BET's Up To Front event this Tuesday. There is a meeting tomorrow night after work that I will be attending. But if I am correct, Tuesdays event is an alll day event. All day meaning, 9 to whenever. I want to go to this event but because of Fridays turn of events, im skeptical about going. I honestly think that if thigs hadnt turned out the way that they did, I would be able to say that I went to my doctor's appointments (2) and go to the BET event. But now, Im stuck. Dont know what to do. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!

Lastly, my monthly assessment is coming up this week and I KNOW that this lil incident is going to have an affect on my review. Boy oh boy!

... and the scapegoat signs off...

Guess who's BIZZACCK!!!!!

2005-04-08T10:38:00.000-04:00

Those were the longest 10 days ever huh? LOL Sorry 'bout that!

Spring is hereeee and that means summmmeeerr is NEAR!!!! (soooo corny) Now that I have a moment to breathe, it is time for an OVERDUE update. Where shall I begin? At the beginning perhaps? Where is that? I havent a clue! Ill just start where-ever.

* Ok... so my job is kool and all. It is not one of those " I hate waking up in the morning, I dont want to go to this damn place" jobs. Its kool. BUTTT (you knew there was a but coming) It is NOT where my heart lies. I appreciate it for what it is, Lord knows I do... but again... its not where I want to be.
I dont like to talk bad about people, (so maybe I should'nt) but MARY* is WORKINGGGGG my nerves. When I say working, I mean she makes me want to strangle her! Scenario 1: We were both supposed to attend a meeting with the CIS department so that we would BOTH know how to enter student information into the database so that they could register for graduation. Meeting time comes and Mary* tells me to go up and that she will be up in 15 minutes. 15 minutes come and go and im damn near done with my tutorial. A few minutes later, meeting is over, I head back to my office, look at Mary* shaking my head and say " 15 minutes??". Mary* says "Oh I am busy doing something else, can you show me what to do later??" NO B***H! I can not show you anything. (I thought) I just walked away and returned to desk. So as I surf the site and try to job my memory of what I heard in the meeting, who decides to stand behind me and watch? Mary*. First off... I DO NOT like people standing behind me. Secondly... she smells soooo bad... SO BAD!!! Its not horrble body odor... its her mouth! It smells like rotten gums. I feel bad saying this (not that damn bad) but it is the truth. Her mouth emits this foul odor EVERYTIME she opens it (which is VERY OFTEN). *Shaking my head* So I politely turn around, look at her, and say please do not stand behind me like that. She then says oh... sorry... you can teach me later... DAMMIT!!!! LEAVE ME ALONEEE... arrrggggg. I dont even feel like going into a nother scenario but there are PLENTY MORE... Fill ya in later.

* Im still doing my side work with Complex Magazine and its great! I have met tons of people on all frames of work and im loving it. For those that know me, you know I am in my zone when im networking and making my connections! Pure BLISS!! lol

* An upcoming DJ... DJ Treats to be exact, and I are in the works of working out his Publicity plan. He asked me to be his publicist! :) Im also doing publicity work for Peter Pierre, (my boss at Complex) who will also be writing a Fashion Column for the mag! So things are moving right along as you can seeeee!

* My long distance love and I are getting so caught up its crazy! Ill go into details about that later! If the title of my blog says "Gone to the Chi" you know what that means... (I got hitched)

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Busy as a bee...

2005-03-15T18:33:00.000-05:00

Like my mentor CC, I AM BUSIER then one could imagine. BUTTT I love it! Things are shaping up nicely and if I might say so myself... this is my year... wish i could say more but Ive learned, more is less... :) Ill be back in a bout 10 days.. lol

If you only knew...

2005-02-01T13:39:00.000-05:00

how I felt about you. I stole this idea from Cymple and Soulfularies! Im sure everyone has those few people/ issues/ situations, that they feel so much about but can not verbalize. Although im generally a straight forward individual and like to tell people what is on my mind, there are just some things come out better when written!

KJC- When I say I love you... dammmit I MEAN IT! I know distance is not working with us right now but who knows what the future holds...Maybe ill move to the Windy city... (doubt it) lol

MARY*- You make me f***ing sick! For real. You stink... your mouth smells like GARBAGE! DAMMIT YOU ANNOY ME!!!
.

7*- I admire you. I have a few role models and you are one of them! Luv ya!

Gavins - I MISSSS YOU SOOO MUCH! We have been talking a lot lately and its bringing back memories of our undergrad days! You will be my homie for life. S*** you are the only one of my friends thats willing to skinny dip, get a brazilian, or do any other crazy ish with me. And for that.. I luv ya!

... to be continued

* Names have been changed or initialized to protect the innocent... and myself! HAAAAA

Hair

2005-01-31T08:49:00.000-05:00

OK... those of you that know me very well, know that I am having ISSUES with my hair! Not hair growing issues, not hair loss issues, nothing to that effect, but I have no CLUE what to do with it anymore! For the past year i have worn extentions (braids) because I was transitioning from permed hair to natural hair. OK great mission accomplished! Last october I took my braids out and for about two weeks, I experimented with my hair. Then I cheated and put braids back in until about 3 weeks ago, and here I am again at wits end trying to figure out what to do next! Ive worn it in a twist out style for 3 weeks. LOL... This weekend I came to the conclusion that I was going to get a texturizer! Think again... That defeats the purpose! Why did I go natural you ask? I didnt go natural because I was soooo against the creamy crack that most of us have grown to love, I decided to go natural because I wanted to do something different after graduation. I wanted to think of it as my transition from college student to working woman...make sense? Did to me, and still does! I think my issue is that I am not used to short hair. Its not that short but it is the shortest that Ive ever had it. Its not hard to manage at all, but im just not used to it and will probably never get used to it if I keep doing things to it. So, the texturizer is out. Im not going to do it. I think I am going to get it washed and set this weekend. Lets see how long this one lasts!

Black Bitchhh...

2005-01-27T19:37:00.000-05:00

...is what I was called tonight by this old white man. OK so let me give you a play by play of tonights turn of events. So.. I got off the train into the BITTER cold of a NYC winter night. I usually stand in the chinese restaurant to stay warm while I wait for the bus ( yeah sucks big time). So I walked in the store like I do everyday, and when I walked in there was this blond hair, blue eyes white man sitting down waiting for his food. When I walked in he mumbled something under his breath but I didnt pay attention because I thought he was just being old and crazy. So, while im waiting, the chinese lady behind the counter calls the man to tell him that his food was ready. SO he goes up to get his food and proceeds to exit the store, but not without leaving me his regards:

Old White Man: Move out of my f*ucking way you black bitch... (as he walks out of the store)
Me: (watching him walk out wondering if i really heard what I heard and then opening the door) Go to hell!
Old WHite Man: What did you say to me???
Me: I said go the fuck to hell!
Old White Man: (coming back into the store) F*ck you you black bastard! You are in a white neighborhood!
Me: (no this man didnt) F*ck YOU!!!!! I dont give a f*ck where I am! God doesnt like ugly! And you are going to hell you racist pig!

... as this is going on im getting erratic! Those that know me know that I am quick to speak my mind, sometimes tooooo quick. But when I am upset there is NOO stopping me!

Old WHite Man: (with his hands IN MY FACE) YOU ARE A BLACK BITCH!!
ME: (turning around and picking up a folding chair) Mister I will f*cking kill you in this store!

... and then the Chinese man (I guess the owner) grabbed the chair out of my hand, and Old Racist proceeds to leave the store. Needless to say, I was soooo gone. I walked out of the store and called my mother. I could barely breathe nonetheless speak. I was hysterical and while I proceeded to tell my mother the story, she calmed me down with her everloving soothing voice! I forgot to mention that while im talking to my mother, im walking down the block following the white man. He went into the grocery store and i watched him like a stalker waiting to attack. He then went into a lawyers office, exited, and then walked his red neck ass down the block to his house. I know I was looking like a crazy woman, but I was sooo gone. I can make light of the situation now because I am relaxed but when im upset, im livid. That was my FIRST encounter with racism EVER! I went to a failry caucasion Catholic high school, and a predominately "majority" univeristy and never have I experienced anything like that in my life. Although im ok now, i know something is still bothering me... something is broken... i dunno if its my heart or if its my spirit, but trust me.. something is broken. That old racist white man took a part of me home with him...

Tre

2005-01-21T10:59:00.000-05:00

Ok... so I stole this idea from CC who stole it from from Will, who stole it from Singing...and the list goes on.. lol

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Tola
2. Tola May
3. Chipmunk

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Heartbrkr617
2. Supastar617
3. Llakersgyrl

(All pretty self explanatory huh? And the 617 always gives me away!)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Smile
2. my NEW boobies
3. my teeeeeeth

THREE THINGS YOU HATE/DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My nose
2. my FEET (no, i dont have corns or bunyons or any other growth, i just dont like em)
3. procrastinator

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Nigerian-American
2. Jamaican
3. Native- American (Shinnecock Native American to be exact!)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. SPIDERSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Drowning (although I am a very good swimmer)
3. Death

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Toothbrush
2. Shower
3. Computer

( CC I think you hit the nail on the head with these essentials!)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Brown and Tan sweater
2. Tan pants
3. chinese slippers (I can wear slippers in my office)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists(at the moment)):
1. Kanye West
2. Destinys Child
3. Linkin Park

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Hopeful (Twista ft Faith)
2. Shake that a** (50 Cent)
3. Lovers and Friends (Usher, Luda and Lil Jon)

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Travel
2. Be on Tv
3. My own apt and a new car (Im DONE with used CARS!)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Respect
2. Passion
3. Honesty (should have been # 1)

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I love snow
2. Ive been to the Bahamas
3. I was born in BK

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. teeth
2. Hands
3. height

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. I can do ALL things through Christ who strenghtens me! -Phil 4:13

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. listening to Music
2. reading/ writing
3. Dancing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Go to starbucks and get a WHITE CHOCOLATE MOCHA EXPRESSOOOOOOO
2. get my eyebrows done
3. go shoppinnnng

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Television VJ
2. Publicist to the stars
3. Actress

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Aruba
2. San Tropez
3. Europe

THREE KID'S NAMES
1. Morgan
2. Chase
3. Dakota (lol)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Get married
2. make a million
3. bungee jump

Back for the first time...

2005-01-21T10:39:00.000-05:00

*For those of you who dont know, "Back for the first time" is the title of Ludacris' first album.

Here ye, here ye! I am back, with a venegence if I may add... 2005 is here and I welcome it with open arms! 05' is my year... and IF you didnt know... ha...

So, the new year came and what did I do. I didnt go out and party like I normally would, or would have loved to do... this year I did something a lil different. Since the latter part of my 04 was HORRIBLE, I wanted to avoid some of the same matters in 05. So when the clock struck 11:55, I ran into my bedroom, got down on my knees, and prayed. Yeah, its bad that some of us only pray when things go wrong, or in a time of need, but yes I prayed. And i have kept it up since. Its crazy that i havent been to church since last Easter I think. College messed me up! Lol. BUt yes, that is what I did on New years eve. Needless to say, I partied hard on saturday AND SUNDAY!!!!

Fast forward to January 3rd. My first day at my new JOBBY JOB! YES, I have a new job. It may not be EXACTLY what I want to do in life but its close to it. I am the Event Coordinator for Columbia University. Aint that sumthin! (The Va accent coming out of me) Yessss lawd.... God is good aint he? Lol

Fast forward to today, Jan 21st, the end of week 3. Its been kool. I like it here. Its much different from my previous job(s) but I feel like I can learn a lot here. Im also doing event coordinating for Complex Magazine... yay... and doing some PR for Loose Canonz Ent (The next Roc-A -fella, so they say) lol. But other then that I am wonderful, happy to be in a new year, happy to be in a new job, a new frame of mind and happy to be alive... :o)

I do apologize...

2004-12-10T11:53:00.000-05:00

It has been a longggggggggggggg month. Might I stresssssssssss long. From family issues, job issues, relationship woes (thats a great story that I must tell) I have been all over the place and back. As for right now I am embarking on a new job and I will know what the Lord has in store for me early next week. As for now... im siging off for a few... ill be back when the smoke clears... :O)

Desiderata

2004-11-04T08:22:00.000-05:00

Someone at work left this on my desk after seeing me stressed out for the last few weeks. Whoever it was, THANK YOU !!!!!!!

Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant: they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and biter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career,however, humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is, many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,gracefully surroundings the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt tenebrous is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with GOD, whatever you conceive HIM to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, n the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham and drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

God Bless America

2004-11-04T08:07:00.000-05:00

So the outcome that I had hoped for during this years Presidential election did not come about. I am still very pleased with myself and others in my age group for taking a stance and voting. Im even proud of the older folks coming out and voting. When I went to vote I sparked up a conversation with a man in his 60's that told me that it was his first time voting since the JFK and Nixon race. This election brought people out of the woodworks! Although I still believe that Puffy's vote or die campaign was another one of his successful ploys to get money, it did prove effective. Many youngsters I saw at the polls on Tuesday had on either vote or die t-shirts or the infamous Rock the Vote shirt.

After being glued to the television Tuesday night, watching as the President and Senator Kerry raced for the states, I felt more than ever intuned with what was going on. I felt like it was a do or die situation. I felt like it was one of the most important moments in my life (it was). Despite the fact that Bush was re-elected, I do feel that the increase in young voters and new voters in general will prove detrimental to Bush in the 4 years to come. As for now, we must not let this election falter our views or change how we come together for what we believe. Maybe with Kerry it would have been a lil easier for change, but we must play the hand that we are dealt. In the meatime, all we call do is continue to pray and ask the Almighty for his blessings because America is going to need all of the blessings that it can get for the next 4 years.

Halliburton

2004-10-28T18:39:00.000-04:00

Im not that into politics but I feel the need to know whats going on in a country that my ancestors built. (YOU SHOULD TOO) Here is a site that a friend told me about that if read intently, you will find the inside scoop on the government and its politricks!

www.factcheck.org

Be aware!

For the love of...

2004-10-27T17:49:00.000-04:00

The game...

Basketball season is here and I AM ELATED!!! I mean ecstatic! I love nothing more than to sit in an arena, be it The Continental airlines arena, MSG, Staples center, or even my damn couch, im excited to be watching the game.

Recap: Last night I went to the Knicks VS Nets preseason game in Jerzee... needless to say im a fan of neither team but i went to support. I couldnt help but laugh at the players on the Knicks squad this year. I should say before hand that I am a DIE-HARD LAKERS FAN ( no not bandwagon either) so when I saw who was on the Knicks I couldnt help but think to myself "When did this happen, and who the hell is that?" At the freethrow line is Moochie Norris... ummm who? yeah... Then I saw Penny on the team.... Boy oh boy... ya'll remember Penny... lol LIL PENNY... anFERnee Hardaway... not Anthony , that was not a misspelling! I remember once upon a time when I thought he and Shaq would be the dymanic duo... well maybe not. I cant even crack on the rest of the team because I do not know NOR do I care who is on the team ( but I DO know) but nonetheless, its (singing) THE MOST WONDERFULLLLL TIME OF THE YEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

When Should you give up?

2004-10-27T17:30:00.000-04:00

Im sure everyone has had a few things in life that they wanted so badly but yet have not been granted, and deep down inside still yearn for. When that arises what do you? Be it a person that you want to want you or a job/company that you have been applying to for so long and have yet to get called for, or whatever else you can think of... when is it time to say goodbye and realize that maybe it wasnt meant to be?

My answer to this is... well...
I remember when I was little I used to say that God had a big library in his house and in this library were books of everyones lives. So whatever was happening to us was supposed to happen because God had written so in our personal books. (Biographies if you will) If I can revert back to this childish way of thinking, I would say that I would love nothing more than to take a sneak peak at my book and see what is in my future. I would only look for that which has eluded me for sometime now, Nothing more. I feel as thought it would give me peace of mind, so that I may know that it is only a matter of "when" instead of "if" and if so, "when". ( Are you following) . But because that will not happen one must keep the faith. If I was meant to have this then I will, if im supposed to work for the company of my dreams then it will happen...

So when is it time to give up? I say... as long as you have the energy to keep trying and striving for what you want...the time is never.

Ramblings of the day...

2004-10-26T13:26:00.000-04:00

Im just going to be rambling a lil bit about some things that have annoyed me, or have me perplexed or have me like "WHAT THE F***????"...

* Why is it so cold? Is it me or did the fall sneak up on my ass?

* Why are guys so damn dumb? I am a rather intelligent educated woman if I must say so myself and all I seem to attract is assholes. Do I have "Talk to me if you are a certified asshole" written on my forehead? Or am I just a dumbo magnet... someone tell me what the hell im doing wrong???

* So this guy asked me to do some PR work for him and his artist. I agreed. So im thinking that this man is goin to provide me with all of the information that I would need to fulfill my duties and do a good job. THis mofo IMED me today telling me to support him and his artist by purchasing his compilation CD online. WHAT????? Are you serious....Im not buying SH** that I think I should be getting to complete the task that you asked me to do for you. You have GOT TO be kidding me... Men I tell ya... (revert back to the previous star... asshole!!!) I dont think i should have to purchase that he should be providing me with in the first place. Please tell me if you think I am wrong....

* Only one week till election day guys !! VOTE OR DIE!! Where did Puffy get that bullshit from? I wonder if that mofo is going to vote. I bet you he didnt even know when election day was before he came up with this VOTE OR DIE plot to get money... This mutha....

...and those are my ramblings for today... I shall return!!!

Im here!!!

2004-10-24T13:46:00.000-04:00

...and now you may relax for I have arrived. (jk) Hello all. This is my second blog page because I didnt remember the name or password of the one that I made a few months ago. Not to worry, I had not begun to post or do anything special to that spot. So now I am here and I am going to keep this up to date.

So now I must begin by saying, it has been a ROUGH week!!!! Forget week, it has been a rough postgraduate life. From the stresses of finding the job that you THINK you want, to getting it and realizing it is nothing like you expected, to feeling like you are on your own, (and ultimately realizing that you are) and not knowing what to do because everything you do is criticized by family who would rather tell you what you are doing wrong instead of what you could do to make things better... to...(you see where I am going with this). I just had to get that off of my chest. I am about to go shopping for a few fall/winter items of clothing but I shall return to give more insight into my thoughts, my mind and ultimately my world.